Juicy, Juicy Blitzballs
by Kanjo
Summary: Tidus has a macaroni fetish, Rikku wants to play with Aurie's fiddlestick, Wakka's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, Auron spends majority of the first chapter naked and Yuna gets strung out on Happy Pills. Yep, its one of those stories...
1. A Most Diabolical Beginning

Author's Notes: A bit of background information for you all. This story was written by three different people, me (Kyra), Tanya and Jo… we went sentence for sentence… leading to lots and lots of randomness! It all started in English class when we were watching the Zephyrelli (sp?) version of Romeo and Juliet and Mercutio yells "I draw my fiddlestick!". Naturally I found this highly amusing, as I was thinking about a certain FMV of a certain man in red at the same time… and thus this story was born.

Generic Disclaimer: I own nada. No really. Most of the lines in this I stole from movies or other things. I own very, very little. –ducks inanimate object thrown by one of my writing buddies- Okay, okay! WE! We own very, very little. Sheesh. Enjoy! And please R&R… if you do we will personally give you a virtual fruit basket full of… um… juicy, juicy blitzballs: P

"But I want to touch Aurie's fiddlestick!"

"But you know he doesn't have any…don't you?" said Yuna

"What are you two doing?" A horribly familiar gruff voice said from behind them, "we have no time to lose, we must keep going."

Rikku let out a little giggle and followed Yuna out.

"Kids, ya?" Wakka shook his head as the guardians trooped solemnly from Djose Temple.

"Oh just shut up and start walking" Lulu replied, which made Rikku's giggles turn to laughter.

Yuna had finished praying to the Fayth at Djose, received the unicorn-like aeon Ixion and the mood was light… but she suddenly found it difficult to open her eyes, as though someone was covering them.

"Oh my fucking God, I'm blind!" she shrieked, running around in a little circle and swatting at her captor.

Silence filled the air as the "F" word echoed in everyone's ears.

"A summoner that swears! Now I've seen everything," Tidus muttered as he moved his hands from Yuna's eyes, "…Boo!"

Everyone blinked. Rikku, already bored after the calamity of Yuna's cursing, walked over to Auron and began prodding his sword that rested against his leg.

"Is it true? …eeerrr…. ooh-never mind," she tried to say the sentence without laughing but failed.

She cracked up, eyes streaming with mirth and grabbed a hold of Auron's cloak to steady herself, pulling it off in the process by accident. As her eyes rose everyone else's mouth dropped open…Auron, yes sir Auron, was wearing nothing else other than boxer spread with the pattern of red hearts.

"Oh my God! COCK!" Lulu yelled, pointing at Auron.

Everybody chocked in horror…until they saw an innocent looking rooster peck it's way past them.

"Brawwwkkk! Brawwwk!" cooed the rooster.

"I feel this is appropriate time to say – I can't stop thinking about you girl?"

"What?" Tidus asked Yuna in confusion.

"Aight! I can't stop thinking about you girl…ooohhh nooo," sang Yuna.

"Rikku," Auron muttered, embarrassed as everyone turned to face him they saw the Al Bhed being pushed away by the legendary guardian as she tried to hug his leg, "Rikku, please get off me."

She screamed and grabbed him somewhere she wasn't supposed to.

"Eeee," she squealed and moved her hands down. Auron grinned and shook Rikku with his leg.

"I hate lightning!" Yuna cried, holding onto dear life as an amused Auron tried to pry hey away. "I'm going to die!"

"There is no lightning!" Yuna cried, exasperated, trying to move her cousin.

"Yeah I know." Rikku muttered quietly to Yuna, "but it's a great way to cop a free feel, hmmm?"

"Oh" Yuna's eyes widened.

"Tidus!" she yelled, rushing to his side throwing herself at him, "I'm so scared of the rabid ancestral monkey aliens!"

Yuna and Rikku exchanged winks.

Tidus looked down, "AIGHT! MACARONI!" he shouted.

"Hey…uhhh…Lulu?" Wakka glanced at Lulu, "you ain't scared of chocobos or anything by any chance?" he asked hopefully, as both Tidus and a semi naked Auron wrestled with their terrified (wink wink) females.

"Hells no!" she replied then threw a giant ball of porridge at him.

"He…he…balls" Auron chuckled.

"So do you have any?" Rikku asked innocently as Yuna couldn't stop herself from laughing at Rikku's inquiry.

"I do! Oh, oh! Pick me!" Tidus danced around with his hand in the air.

"Oh really? Is you sword as big as your-?"

"BAHAHA!" Yuna busted out laughing with tears in her eyes.

"You bet I do!" Tidus replied winking at Yuna.

"Lu? You wanna play with my blitzball? Wakka asked.

She slapped him.

"What!?" he cried, "there is a blitzball stadium over there."

He pointed to a rather randomly placed blitzball stadium in the middle of the forest.

"Lets go check it out!" declared Tidus, who's ego was pretty big at that moment.

"Wooo! Tidus I'm scared." Yuna whimpered, grabbing his hand as they entered the dark forest.

Auron tried to make thunder noises to scare Rikku into hugging him.

"Fuck off Auron," she burst out yelling.

They entered the stadium.

A little short, bold monk came flying from nowhere and landed on Tidus.

"The moon is made out of cheese," the monk said mystically.

"Do you want macaroni with that?" Tidus asked almost unconsciously.

"Uh…Where are your clothes Mr. Monk…dude?" asked Wakka.

"I –" the monk looked puzzled at his naked body for a moment, "part of the training."

He nodded sagely.

Then he disappeared.

"Sir Auron, where are your clothes?" Yuna wondered suddenly as everyone realised he was still without his cloak.

"Back at the temple," he said.

They went back to the temple, but Auron's clothes were missing.

"Oooo, looks like someone is gonna shrivel up!" Rikku blurted out.

"SHRIMP!" Tidus yelled into the air.

"Excuse me!" Auron snapped, "my manhood is far bigger and more experienced than any of yours!"

A cricket chirped.

"OOO, ouch dude" Tidus said in sympathy.

"My milk shake brings all the boys-I mean girls-to the yard and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right it's better than yours!" Wakka started to sing in a monotone voice. "Way better than yours!" Shaking his finger in the air in a gay way.

"…" All the girls were speechless.

"From now on you keep the happy pills!" Lulu said to Yuna, with Rikku looking apologetic.

"Happy pills?" Tidus' face lightened up. "Where?" He screamed

Yuna stared at him blankly.

"Aight babe, relax…I was only joking." Tidus said with a frown. "I really want some though." He said pouting.

Death stares were surging towards Tidus.

"I don't want them!" He cried and ran off with one of his straps from his overalls falling down.

"What the-?" Rikku looked puzzled.

Yuna ran off after him and was yelling at him to not strip until he got somewhere isolated so they could get it on.

"Fucking morons!" Rikku laughed

"Oh you, I love you! Come here Rikku!" Auron whispered.

"Shut up retard!" She shot back.

"I love you when you play hard to get! Rawr!" he flashed his lovely thing around even though he forgot he was still naked.

"He..he…fiddle stick!" Rikku giggled. "No! Plus Yuna said it was bad to take advantage of guys when they're on drugs." She put herself together and came to her senses.

Poof. In a cloud of smoke the monk appeared…still naked!

"The stars are not in line for young love."

"You're still naked!" Auron bitterly spat, "Where are my clothes?"

"Young boy, the time has not come for you to find your clothes! It is not in your future!" The short little bold monk predicted. His scalp shone from the sun.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LIL' MAN? GIVE ME MY CLOTHES!"

A wave of his hand and he disappeared again.

"Oh God…I think we might definitely need to get a separate room for Wakka and Lulu now!" Rikku said, realising Lulu was spiked by the one and only, Tidus.

"AIGHT" He said nodding, pointing to himself.

"I LOVE YOU TIDUS!" Yuna shouted as she put her arms around his neck…it is then that Rikku realised the happy pills were all gone.

"NOOO!" Rikku screamed with all her might.

"He he" Auron gave a little chuckle and went up to Tidus and gave him a good job stare and walked to the place where the monk disappeared.

With a bump, Auron was rendered unconscious and fell to the ground after being hit by Wakka and one of his "balls".

"Hehehehe," Yuna giggled until she couldn't breathe.

"What? What did I say?" Wakka asked in surprise.

"B…Ba…hehehehe!" Yuna giggled some more.

Wakka was then pulled down to the ground and was tied up to a pole by Rikku with one of the belts from Lulu's skirt.

"Hey, give that back! Don't you know I feel naked without it?" Lulu shouted

"Really ya?" Wakka replied.

"Yes!" She walked up to Wakka and untied him and put her belt back on. But all of a sudden Rikku found a rope lying around and quickly bolted across the room to tie him and Lulu together.

"Now this is how I like it!" Rikku giggled looking at the two of them were tied up together, face to face.

Tidus made kissing faces and started to sing…"Wakka and Lulu sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Yuna jumped on him and wouldn't let go.

"What?" He asked in surprise

"I'm hungry!" She whined.

"Don't you think we have more important things to worry about?" Auron snapped, crossing his arms over his bare chest, looking at the spot where the mysterious monk had disappeared and Lulu and Wakka giving each other googly eyes and mouthing God knows what to each other.

"Nope!" the summoner grinned, "I'm hungry – let's go to McChocobo's!"

"But my clothes-"

"Oh shut up! Weren't you unconscious just a moment ago?" Rikku asked with her hands firmly placed on her hips.

"Yes, I was, but Lady Yuna healed me," he quipped back.

"Oi –break it up!" Tidus shouted, jabbing Wakka in the back of the head and him and Lulu broke apart quickly.

"Lets go to McChocobo's!" Yuna whined, tightening her grip on Tidus' neck

"Yeah!" agreed Rikku.

"Kimahri hungered too!" Kimahri rumbled.

So Yuna and he guardians left the blitzball stadium and journeyed through the shady Djose woods in search of the nearest McChocobo's. As they rounded yet another bend in the path a trio of friends ambushed them.

"Whoa!" yelled Tidus, unleashing his dangerous looking sword.

"Aiiee!" Rikku screamed, covering her eyes with her hands and launching a grenade at their attacker blindly.

"What the fuck are you doing, you crazy bitch?!" Yuna screamed, diving out of the way as Rikku's firearm sailed through the air towards them, rather than the fiends.

"Oopsie…"

"Oh screw this, I'm tired of constantly fighting fiends," Lulu sighed, spreading her arms wide casting a Firaga fury overdrive. The guardians watched the fiends melt away as the pyreflies danced away though the air but suddenly…they reformed! The party stared in terror as the little orbs of light swirled about, a sinister looking shape emerging from the dust.

"Ohhh-" The figure staggered a bit, clutching its bald head.

"You!" Tidus yelled, brandishing his sword at the monk.

"Who are you?" Auron demanded.

"I'ma – what? Wazz goin' on?" He slurred drunkly.

Which was when everyone noticed he was wearing a familiar red cloak.

"Mother fucker!" Auron yelled, "That's my sake jug!"

He unsheathed his katana from God knows where and charged at the intoxicated monk.

"Man – Sir Auron really knows how to use his fiddlestick." Yuna whistled.

Rikku sighed, a wistful look on her face. She muttered something rather inappropriate involving decisively pornographic things in Al Bhed.

"Come again?" Wakka asked.

"Uhhh…it means..uhm – I like cupcakes! Yeah, cupcakes," she laughed nervously,

"Shouldn't we help Auron?" Tidus asked the group.

"Why?" Lulu questioned, watching an enraged Auron charge around the forest clearing, wildly swinging his sword around and completely missing the monk who kept disappearing and reappearing, "This is pretty fucking funny."

"…Yep, them some damn fine cupcakes – ooh yeah, yep that's all I said – I like-a them cupcakes and them cupcakes a-like-a me back.."

"Rikku – shut up."

"Yes, Yunie."

"Oh – fine!" The monk yelled finally, "I donsh't want yooooorrr friggin' coat thing anywaysh!"

He took it off and threw it at Wakka, disappearing again.

"AHHH, I'm melting!" Wakka screamed trying to flap the coat off his head, "melting – MELTING – MELTING!!!"

Tidus yanked it off.

"Phew – Thanks ya?" He breathed a sigh relief, paused with a frown then sniffed again, "Oh great, ya, I smell like grumpy over there."

"That is SUCH a turn off," Lulu grumbled.

"Bow chicka wow wow!" Rikku purred, dancing around like an idiot.

"Tidus – I have something to tell you," Yuna mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Sure baby – I'm yo man! Wait – You're not pregnant are you?"

"No"

"STD?"

"NO"

He whistled in relief, "good – I'm not going through that again."

"What?"

He lowered his voice, "groupies, yea? Don't know where they've been…nasty stuff."

Yuna smacked him over the head with her staff.

"Fuck-face!" She cried, beating Tidus' now unconscious body to a pulp.

"Bow chicka bow chicka wow oohh!" Rikku growled seductively, making tiger claws with her hands at Auron.

"Rikku go sleepy now!" Wakka said, popping behind Rikku and slapping a rag soaked in chloroform over her mouth. He dragged the unconscious Al Bhed over where Yuna was jabbing Tidus with a pointy stick she had found.

"Bring out our dead! Bring out our dead!" Wakka called out to the forest.

A young girl, no older than Rikku, emerged from the trees, dragging the lifeless forms of two other girls. She dumped them on the pile and looked suspicious as Yuna and her unconscious guardians started at her in shock.

"Um-she's not dead yet," Lulu pointed out in the silence, pointing to the stirring figure if the black haired "corpse". The awkward looking girl nodded, embarrassed, before pulling a flamethrower out of her backpack and torching the comatose bodies on the forest floor. The black haired girl stirred no more.

"She is now!" the flame thrower chick grinned, skipped away into the forest, torching a squirrel on her way past for fun.

No-one said anything for a long time. Then Yuna spoke.

"What a sadistic psycho bitch."

Auron turned to her.

"Are you still hungry?"

"Nah, I'm cool, I'll just eat Tidus," she shrugged, sitting on the grass and reaching for the smouldering boy.

She sunk her teeth into his arm.

"AHHH-FUCK!" Tidus screamed, sitting upright, his hair askew, "You bit me! What are you-a dog?!"

She threw a handful of sand at him and walked away.

"They got couple problems, eh?" Wakka said, amazed

"You-" Lulu cried, pointing at Auron who spun around looking innocent, "come with me."

She grabbed his collar and dragged him, protesting, away from the group. They emerged mere minutes later, Auron looking totally bewildered and Lulu looking as though she was the queen of something. Wakka sputtered indignantly.

"Lu! You-I-you-can't just do that in fruntta me!" he choked.

"Oh come off it Wakka, I only wanted to see his dingaling!"

"WHAT?!"

"His dingaling." she repeated.

"WHERE?" shouted Rikku, leaping to her blackened feet.

"There," Lulu said, pointing to a cluster of bells in Auron's hand.

"I thought his dingaling was there," she replied, pointing somewhere other than his hand.

"Hey- where are you going?!" Rikku called out as Auron walked away.

"To play with my dingaling!" he shouted over his shoulder.

End Notes: Well, all I can say is thanks very much for reading! If you likey, you reviewy, ya? Then we upload more… :D And as a final note of wisdom, remember, this ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race.


	2. Molotov Milkshakes

Author's Notes: Kyra here again, on behalf of Tanya and Jo. We'd like to thank anyone whos been reading so far, even if you haven't reviewed yet.

And as a matter of fact, I'm actually the only one of us three whos ever actually played FFX. I only got a PS2 quite recently… and picked up FFX cause it was 2nd hand and cheap (stingy dad) and I've always wanted to get into the FF universe… 'cause it looks pretty. And I'm actually yet to finish the game . I've been playing avidly for weeks and weeks and I've only just kicked Yunalesca's ugly ass and am journeying around in the Airship getting all the stuff I missed the first time through (I was hopeless when I first started out… it took me three Game Overs to realise we had potions –sweatdrop-)

Hehehe, yesterday I got into Remiem Temple. Its so PRETTY. AND SHINY. AND PRETTY. O.o I was all "oooh pretty temple" then I was like "oh. Belgemine. Stupid Unsent. No offense Aurie sweety."

Yeah I got a thing for Auron… Tanya likes Tidus O.o he annoys me in a blonde, whingy kinda way.

Generic Disclaimer Number #463: If me no speak English can me be sued for plagiarism? Ya? Damn. Me no get no royalties from selling of FFX in your local shop then. Me no own them. Me fail English? That unpossible.

xXxXxXx

"Wait for me!" she yelled, running after him.

"Oh dear," said Lulu.

"Lucky bastard," said Wakka.

"I have an idea!" proclaimed Yuna, as Tidus threw a small rock at her, hitting the back of her head.

She turned, pelted him with a few branches she ripped off from a nearby bush and calmly turned back to her guardians (minus Auron and Rikku, who were yet to return).

"Let's go to Zanarkand!"

"Isn't that where were going?" screamed Tidus, "you stupid bitch!"

"Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself?!" she roared angrily, snatching a grenade from Rikku's satchel that had been abandoned on the ground and lobbing it at him. There was a boom and then a tiny voice saying, "okay-do what ever you want."

"Yes! Zanarkand! Because I've always wanted to egg someone's house!"

A cricket chirped.

"Ooookaaaay…" Lulu said slowly.

"Why we gotta go to Zanarkand to do that?" Wakka wondered.

"I want to egg Tidus' house," Yuna said simply, jerking her finger over her shoulder.

"Hey guys!" Rikku yelled anxiously from somewhere to their left.

They turned to see her shuffling her feet nervously.

"Uhm…could I get some help here? Uh-Auron's dingaling is stuck in a tree and we can't get it out!"

Everybody blinked.

The no-one could think of what to say so they blinked again. Yuna giggled quietly. Her guardians once again, blinked.

"Oh, God," Wakka said loudly, "this is the stupidest thing I ever heard. How'd he get it stuck in a tree?"

"Um…" she glanced over her shoulder, "let's just say it involved a can of Pepsi, a couple of Mentos, some lead paint and a satsuma."

"A satsuma?"

"A satsuma…well, two actually, but we accidentally set fire to the first one and-"

"Wait – is Sir Auron's dingaling on fire too?" asked Yuna.

"No-"

There was a loud scream and a suspicious smell of burning.

"Okay, well, maybe it is," Rikku corrected.

"That's not good is it?"

"Uh-no," said Auron, emerging beside Rikku with only one eyebrow.

"Sir Auron! You're okay!" cried Yuna.

"Yeah – I gave the chocobos to the pink shoopuf and that sorted the whole problem with the DVD Box Sets of Star Trek right out."

"What in God's name were you two doing?" asked Tidus, amazed.

"Making a time machine!" said Rikku excitedly.

"What?" Auron rounded on her, confused, "I thought we were-"

She clamped her hand over his mouth and loudly shouted "TIME MACHINE" before stuffing her fingers in her ears and prancing away singing 'My Humps' excessively badly.

"I thought we were making a space ship – but there you go", Auron said, waving his hand in a bewildered fashion.

"Enough!" Kimahri said in his slow, deep voice, "we leave. Now."

The guardians and their summoners agreed that this sounded like a lovely idea. They left the clearing, leaving burnt bodies and a curiously placed Pepsi six-pack behind but before they had gotten very far, a voice shouted, "Halt!"

They obliged, and with a whoosh, an army of black-cloaked figures surrounded them.

"Oh – not you again!" Tidus yelled at the leader, who had spoken.

"I am not who you think I am! I am not the monk you all luuuurve so much - I am Disquo!"

"Disquo?" Wakka echoed dumbly.

"Aye – Disquo Suhcz!" the feminine appearing leader agreed.

"Disco sucks?" Tidus repeated, thinking that couldn't be right.

But then again, this was Spira, not Zanarkand. Why just this morning he had seen a sign advertising shoopuf rides. Shoopuf! Has anyone ever stopped and asked themselves, "What the fuck is a shoopuf?" Or at least who the fucked up hobo was who decided to call it a shoopuf, shheeesh. Might as well call it a Rainbow Fluffy Egg Beater or something. Or maybe a thongpoof or a stilletopuff.

Tidus' head was beginning to hurt.

"No, no, you heard wrong, little grasshopper-"

"EEE! Where!?" The cloaked person beside the leader screamed.

"I thought you were afraid of caterpillars?" the leader sighed in exasperation.

"I am!" her companion nodded, "grasshoppers too!"

"Oh for the love of-" she shook her head, gave up and returned her attention to Tidus.

"Summoner Yuna! And…guardians," she began impressively. "We are the mighty, fearsome, great, super – as in OH MY GOD kinda super - terrible, horrific, deadly-"

"Get on with it!" Grasshopper girl moaned.

"SHUT UP! Don't interrupt or I'll put grasshoppers in your shampoo. As I was saying, we are-" she paused for effect, "THE BLACK NINJAS!"

Rikku clapped excitedly at this impressive proclamation. Auron stared at her with that kinda freaky stare of his. Her claps faltered then stopped. Slowly.

"And we cannot let you pass 'cause…" the ninja leader peeked down at a few cue cards stashed in her hand, "…'Cause you gotta entertain us first."

"What?" Cried Tidus.

"Let meeeeeeeeee entertain youuuuu," Wakka sang, doing a little Robbie Williams dance to accompany his tune.

"Oh not again," groaned Yuna, "what's with the ninjas and monks today? Did they all change their medication?"

Now, if we fast forward about an hour we only miss Tidus trying to kill the leader, him getting the crap beaten out of him by hot ninja babes, Lulu stubbing her big toe in a tense game of Go Fish with grasshopper-girl and one of the guardians trying to fornicate with a tree. Due to legal reasons we cannot say whom, only that it was rather unpleasant to watch. Now after that uneventful and totally insignificant hour, we find ourselves in a Sphere 'O' Vision studio with a live, studio audience of ninjas, Wakka and Tidus duelling in the greenroom for the last bottle of hair gel and Auron in an apron.

A sphereninja, somewhat, thought not quite like a camera man, held up three fingers and counted down until they were on air. Them some catchy theme music started.

"Hello and welcome to Cooking with Auron!" Rikku announced flamboyantly into a sequined microphone, a latest fashion dress replacing her usual battle attire.

Auron, complete with a classical chef's hat and housewife's apron, stalked onto the stage and stood behind the studio kitchen bench, Glare 'O' Death (Trademark) radiating from behind him in deadly waves.

"Today," continued Rikku, "the special theme ingredient is-" a drum rolled, "Happy pills!"

She frowned and whispered something to a stage hand that shook his head, shrugged and said something along the lines of, "it's all we could get at such short notice." She stood up straight, replaced her cheery grin and said-

"Oh dear God – well this is going to be fun. I'm going to take up smoking!" she declared with a cheesy smile.

Rikku ducked out of sight as the sphere zoomed in on Auron who had one eyebrow hovering near his hairline and the other so low it wasn't visible because of his sunglasses. She re-emerged backstage with several cigarettes in her mouth and a bottle of stress-relievers.

Back on stage, things were bad.

"Hmm…let's start with a personal favourite of mine a Happy Pills thick shake."

He took a bottle of milk, set it down on the bench and unscrewed the lid off the pills. He looked at the two for a moment as though unsure of what to do with them. Auron then tipped the pills into the bottle of milk, shook it violently which splashed milk everywhere ad set it back down on the bench looking triumphant.

"Where's the "thick," bitch?" an audience member jeered loudly.

Auron took out a lighter, somehow managed to set the milk ablaze and lobbed his Molotov cocktail – er, milkshake – into the crowed with a pissed off yell of "right here, BITCH!"

The makeshift bomb exploded and a troop of heavily armed guards stormed the stage and tackled Auron to the ground. They lead him away in cuffs, his chuckle of, "it was the butterflies! The butterflies! No-one ever suspects the butterflies! WEEHEEEHEEHEE! BUTTERFLIES!" ringing in everyone's ears.

"This is bad for ratings isn't it?" Tidus asked back in the greenroom, biting his nails.

"Bad for ratings?" Kyra spat, "what do you think I'm going to do about the reviews? "butterflies…is that the best you guys can do? This isn't a comedy fic, ladies – It's as bad as a soppy ROMANCE! Bleh! You'd better do something fast or no-one's gonna read this crap!"

"Don't you have pictures of Linkin Park to maul?" Lulu asked dryly.

Kyra looked at her watch.

"Ah! You're right! Cheerio lads!"

"Wait – I've got it!" Tidus cried looking around excitedly.

"Got what?" Wakka said, confused.

"You're gonna love it!" he cheered, dragging Wakka to the change room.

Back on stage, fifteen minutes later, the kitchen had been cleared, replaced with a nice carpet floor, a couple of cushy sofas and a big TV screen. Daytime TV show style theme music began to play softly.

"On today's episode of Dr. Wakka, Dr. Wakka talks to a troubled teen who's pushed his parents to the edge-" a snippet of footage showing Tidus going on a drunken rampage played on the screen, "-and Dr. Wakka counsels a disturbed man who, tragically, is so ugly he can't get a date," Lulu's voiceover said solemnly.

The sphere closed up on "Dr. Wakka".

"Welcome to the show, ya?" he said nervously.

"Okay, ya, now we're gonna bring in the dateless guy so I can state his problems in an obvious kind of way, tell him he's not a worthless being and then pay for a facelift for him with tax payers money! Please make him welcome, Seymour Guado!" The ninja crowed applauded politely.

"Oh my God!" Wakka choked as Seymour took to the stage, "dat's one ugly motherfu-"

Sorry, this channel is experiencing technical difficulties, we apologise for the inconvenience.

The next day…

After yesterday's bizarre events, everybody decided it best if it was all put down to some bad food and not enough sleep and mutually agreed never to mention it again. With that settled, the pilgrimage was set to continue but our favourite summoner was having second thoughts. Yuna and Tidus stood together, away from eavesdropping ears of the rest of them.

"Tidus-" she whispered, begging him to see her point "look at me-"

"I'm lookin'" he said happily.

"I'm only seventeen. I don't want to die yet. I don't want to face Sin and fight fiends and journey through dangerous lands anymore! I want to party and go home and become a blitzball champion."

"But Yuna…" Tidus put a hand on her shoulder, looking romantically into her eyes, "you can't play blitzball for shit."

Tidus walked back to the others with a staff shaped bruise on his cheek.

"I'm going home!" Yuna shouted angrily, childishly stalking into the forest.

Then there was a sudden bang and our dear little friends, the naked monk, materialised in her path.

"Bananas are an excellent source of potassium," he marvelled, extending his hands to the faint trickle of sunlight above.

"Yes. Yes they are. And Happy Potter is a Sex God…tell me something I know."

"Uh…gay friends are great to take on shopping trips?"

Yuna looked at her guardians.

"Well unless Wakka's got a thing for Tidus- " she broke off as Wakka avoided her eyes, embarrassment etched over his face, "OKAY! Unless uh – Kimahri and Auron…?" Auron picked up his katana menacingly and she stopped rather quickly with that thought.

"Look – whoever you are – what are you here for?"

"To tell you- " he began in his calm voice, "that I know your destiny!"

Yuna gasped and rushed to the monk.

"Tell me! Tell me!" she cried, anxious, "What of my fate?"

"Aah, patience," he soothed, "the stars are telling me that So You Think You Can Dance is on this Thursday at 8:30, however, in relevance to your fate…"

He bowed his head solemnly, the quiet of bad news resting in the air as no-one dared to breathe…

"You're destiny…" he whispered with a terrified look at her, "your destiny is to-" his eyes glowed with wisdom, "…Bring sexy back!"

The horrible weight of this revelation came to rest heavily on everyone's shoulders. Except for Tidus, who, as usual, had this news go in one ear and straight out the other. In fact, he was probably so dense he couldn't understand anything unless you used big neon signs to spell it out, which, incidentally, was exactly what the monk did.

"Tidus!" Yuna cried, shaking the front of his shirt, "if I have to bring sexy back then that means that someone has taken it away! This is terrible! I bet Seymour was behind this..!"

She shook him angrily again, as he continued to stare at her blankly. Yuna eventually shook him so hard that she ripped his shirt off, which made her stare very openly.

"So…if you gotta bring sexy back…" Tidus began.

"I think I just found it," Yuna giggled.

Auron surreptitiously put a hand over Rikku's under aged eyes as Yuna mugged Tidus and began to experiment with what weird giggling sounds he makes when tickled.

"Oh hey, what's this?" Wakka asked, surprised, bending down to pick up something that had been dropped on the grassy ground. It was a pocket-sized pink book with beads and sequins hanging from the spine on a silvery tassel and fancy gold lettering across the top that said "Diary".

"It's Yuna's diary!" said Lulu, interested.

"Hey, gimme that!" yelled Tidus, snatching it off of Wakka with a devilish grin directed at Yuna.

He opened it to the most recently written page and began to read.

"Dear diary, today was another day on my pilgrimage."

Tidus looked up, "no duh – you write as boring as you talk – hey! I'm just kidding baby…put Auron's sword down, there's a good girl…"

He continued to read as Yuna was restrained by Auron, who didn't fancy having to tell Jecht on the Farplane that Tidus had been killed in a book misunderstanding, and Wakka, who was getting a good laugh out of it.

"Auron came to see me today. He wanted to practice reading his poetry to me again…" Tidus gave Auron a puzzled frown, "you can read?"

"I'm going to ignore that for two reasons. Reason Number One, I'm your mentor and murdering you would make me look bad and Reason Number Two, Yuna is trying to kill you too and I wouldn't want to interfere with your quality bonding."

Tidus blew a big, wet raspberry at Auron.

"Wakka wanted to speak with me too-oh ho!" Tidus looked at Wakka suspiciously, "he was crying because someone had stolen his blitzball. That, and Lulu wouldn't go out with him. Awww…"

"Give that here!" Wakka cried, victorious, as he scanned the writing on the page before him, "diary, I think I'm in love. Today, after Tidus had gone to sleep, I met up with those Crusader boys and…" Wakka read to himself for a minute, then looked up with a shocked "WHOLLY fuck kid, your girlfriend's a slut!"

"Hey!" Yuna shouted, "I'm right here you know!"

Tidus, who had been paralysed as he attempted to process this, suddenly collapsed, twitching.

"Oh my God, he's having a seizure!" Yuna shrieked.

"You're the healer – do something!" Rikku yelled, panicked.

"Oh my God, oh my God," Yuna danced around on the spot in a dither, "oh my God…pressure, so much pressure, I can't take it!" She picked up her staff and whacked herself on the head with it and she crumpled next to Tidus.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Wakka panicked.

"Um-here!" Rikku pulled something from her satchel and shoved it into Tidus' mouth.

For a second, nothing happened. But surely, Tidus' fits eased and he lay still, breathing heavily. Everybody sighed with relief.

"What was that?" asked Lulu.

"A Tim Tam," explained Rikku.

"What, a chocolate biscuit kinda Tim Tam?"

"Yeah."

Lulu exchanged puzzled looks with Wakka.

"How does that work?"

"He was suffering from Happy Pills withdrawal, I figured he needed something to make him feel happy again and lets face it, everyone feels pretty darn happy eating Heart Attacks In A Biscuit – I mean, Tim Tams."

"Good work, Rikku," chuckled Auron, "now he's going to wake up with an addiction to sugar."

Tidus soon came around and soon enough, he was asking for more food.

"But that was my last one, Tidus!"

"I want more," he whined childishly.

"You can't have anymore! We don't have anything else! Not even a grape or a lettuce or anything!"

"Then I want to go to Mc Chocobos! We were going that way before, weren't we?" He huffed.

"We don't have any Gil left," Lulu said.

"Oh this is just great," he fumed.

"If it is money you seek…" the bell-like voice of the monk interrupted, and everybody realised he had never left "…then you could always try working. Like any normal human being, as opposed to all this summoning crap and what not."

"Don't touch me!" yelled Tidus.

Everyone turned to see him and Auron bitch slapping each other in a petty fight over a shiny rock they had found. Wakka promptly stole the rock when they weren't looking and was included in the bitch slapping competition once they had figured out who took it.

"Numa numa ey numa numa numa ey," Yuna hummed to herself, waggling her fingers idly in a dancey kinda way.

"I'd really like to be with Tidus, I like his blitzball and his sword, but I could never stand his whining, and he makes me really, really bored," Rikku sang loudly, determined not to be out done by Yuna's random Numa Numa singing, "Now Wakka's cute but a bit of a baby, though at least he does know how to shoot, his quiff is pretty goddamn funky, and he's a carrot top to boot," she leapt onto a fallen log to elevate herself as she unleased her epic chorus of, "I'd rather do it with Auron, he's what a real man's supposed to be…Oh Aurie won't you do it with me?"

Auron yanked her down by the scruff of the neck and dragged her away into the woods. When asked where he was going he replied, "going to sharpen my katana." Yeah. Right.

Then, to everyone's surprise, the monk nicked all the belts off of Lulu's skirt in one supper fast ninja belt removing move and ran down the forest path hectically, cackling his head off.

"Oh that's just great. The only reason I could hold Wakka off this long was because I told him the belts were not removable and if he did, my legs would fall off. There goes that excuse."

Lulu stalked off in the general direction of Rikku and Auron. She returned moments later with a disgusted and horrified look.

Yuna asked what was wrong to which she promptly replied, "Can't sleep, clowns will eat me."

"Hey I know how you feel," Tidus empathised, "this one time, at band camp- I was totally convinced that the Photoshopped mermaids were going to eat my brains."

"Heeeeey!" Rikku yelled, skipping into the clearing with her shirt on backwards and some funky ass SEX HAIR (maybe Auron was trying to sharpen that too, eh? . ), "Heeey Chaaarlieee!"

"I'm…not Charlie," Tidus corrected, confused, as Rikku approached him with a frightening happy look on her face.

"Chaaarli eee!" Yuna joined in.

"I'M NOT FUCKING CHARLIE!" Tidus screamed.

"Tidieee," Rikku sang.

"What. What do you want?" he snapped.

"We're going to Candy Mountain, Tidieee!" Rikku replied.

"I thought we were going to Gagazet Mountain?" he said, crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently.

"CANDY MOUNTAIN!" Yuna growled ferociously.

"Okay! Candy Mountain!" Tidus said in a high pitched voice.

"Yaaaay! Come on, let's go!" she giggled, tugging on his sleeve.

And through the magic of fanfiction, our heroes suddenly found themselves atop the flastish stretch of the mountain that most FFX players should recognise as that annoying place were you had to fight a certain, irritating, battle with a certain irritating, blue haired Guado.

"Oooh, look, a cave!" Rikku whispered in a creepy way.

"Go inside, Tidieee!" Yuna pushed him encouragingly.

"Hey – what, wait, hey!"

Tidus fell headfirst through the cave opening and quite suddenly his surroundings went VERY DARK. Like, spooky dark. As in oh my God, there could be a murderous, heavily armed paedophile, rapist standing right behind me! Hey wait, Auron was outside though…

"Hey guys?" Tidus yelled into the dark.

"Guys? Hey! Hey, isn't there a bit about a bridge? We missed that…Hey! Guys?!"

He was then struck on the head by something heavy and woke up four hours later with a suspicious scar and a missing kidney. Once he had been rescued by the brave, noble and honourable Kimahri, they began the long trek back to Macalania from Gagazet because Wakka had ordered pizza and was too stingy to pay for delivery.

xXxXxXx

End Notes: This has been Juicy, Juicy Blitzballs Chapter Two! A special thank you to DeSaints, Kittens In Baskets and Isabella Swan, our first reviewers. Here's to hoping everyone got at least ONE laugh outta this chapter… if you did, there's a little button called "submit review" waiting for you ;P and Tanya, Jo and I have plenty of Juicy Juicy Blitzballs to give away to the lovely, beautiful, talented, amazing people who click said button :D


	3. Magic Moogles

Author's notes: BAHAHA Tanya here on behalf of Kyra and Jo (YES FINALLY!!! I pawn yo ass) :p I know Kyra is trusting me to post this every now and then…so bare with me if there is mistakes in here…she can't go through it because of school holidays (haha poor Kyra…every time there is a stupid spelling mistake and she has to go through it atleast 3 or more times) slurs drunkly you try trying when yo can't think straight and it's 4 in the morning Miss…it's hard!!! cries...OH and DISCLAIMER!!! haha

BUT on to more marvellous things…this chapter is about camping and talking about camping trips and the occasional MAGIC MOOGLES :O (gotta love the magic moogles) but yet the best part is TIDUS, NAKED! Any who enjoy!

XxXxXxX

Tidus was complaining as usual.

"You missed the bridge bit! That's the best bit! Everyone knows the bridge bit! It's not flamboyant flouting of the copy write Laws on Charlie the Unicorn if you don't include the bridge bit!"

"We'll do it later!" groaned Yuna, "when we get to the bridge!"

"Oh goody!" clapped Tidus happily.

"Her Rikku…" Auron said pensively, pulling her back to walk at the back of the group with him, "if you got drunk one night and woke up the next morning in a forest would you tell anyone?"

"Uh…no…" she said, thinking it was an odd question.

"What if you looked down and saw that your clothes had been ripped?"

"No way!" she cried, "I'd never tell anyone!"

"What if, now this is totally hypothetical, of course, what if you noticed finger shaped bruises all over you?" he asked, very seriously.

"Never! I'd never tell anyone, it would go with me to the grave!"

"Good…" Auron nodded to himself, pleased.

"Hey Rikku?"

"Yeah?"

"Want to go camping?"

A few metres ahead of them, Wakka and Lulu, who's belts were yet to be found, were deep in conversation.

"Lu! I'd do anything for you! You know that…"

"Anything…?" she asked slowly, with a devious grin.

"Anything!" he enthused.

"Okay, I want a ten year subscription to World of Warcraft, a city named in my honour and a single plum floating in perfume in a man's hat."

"…man's….hat…" Wakka repeated as he furiously scribbled stuff down on a note pad, "anything else?"

"Well, now that you are offering…" Lulu thought she could definitely use Wakka's extensive blitzball fortune coupled with his absolute besottedness with her. "I want a copy of Final Fantasy VIII, you know, the rare one with 4 discs? And a new moogle, MAGIC MOOGLE preferably…"

"Lulu needs to ease off on the magic moogles…" Tidus said.

"Hey!" she retorted, "the doctor said my dosage of magical moogliness was right now!"

"Yeah. Okay. Whatever." said Yuna, jabbing a tranquilliser in Lulu's arm, who collapsed heavily on Wakka and patted his head while slurring "good doggy."

"Let's have a dare contest!" Yuna announced as the party reached the outskirts of Macalania miraculously fast.

"Sounds like fun," they all agreed.

"Okay, I saw this one in a movie", Yuna began, a deadly and cheeky tone to her voice, "I dare you -" she pointed at Tidus, "to skateboard to the pizza shop NAKED."

"No way!" he cried.

"The girls might see his dingaling," Auron chuckled.

"What would you know, Old Man?" he snapped.

Auron sighed with a smirk on his face.

"Need I remind you of the time I had to chase you around Zanarkand when you were six because you had taken off all your clothes, ran off and declared 'evil, mad skilled blitzball players don't need clothes?"

Tidus shut up.

Yuna handed him a skateboard and with an evil glare at Auron, he flung off all his clothes and set off with that determined look he gets when he's trying to prove someone wrong. Rikku squeaked in alarm and Wakka quickly covered Yuna's virginal, summoner eyes so she never got to see anything worth slapping an MA15+ sticker on.

Tidus careered through the crowded streets, the wind blowing back his hair as he whizzed downhill at a startling speed, sending a wave of shocked gasps from the Macalanian commuters as he went. He breezed past a travel agency and Rin, who had been outside at the time, watched Tidus' naked flesh zoom by before declaring in his heavily accented voice,

"I like men now!"

Yuna and the rest of her guardians were a short space ahead of him, having ridden chocobos through the back streets so that they could get to the pizza bar to see Tidus arrive. As they dismounted and approached the building, Yuna made the hand formations of the prayer and said reverently –

"When we enter, do not forget to thank Yevon for this bountiful – PENIS!"

"Bountiful penis", Wakka repeated, deep in prayer, "amen."

Tidus grinned a "oh my God I'm totally naked" kinda grin and did his triumphant pose.

"Yuna! I did it! Now will you sleep with me?"

"What? That wasn't part of the deal!"

"It wasn't? crap…"

" No, but now because you did my dare, you get to dare me to do something!" she looked down.

"But maybe you might wanna put some pants on first."

"Okay Yuna," Tidus said, thinking hard, "I dare you to…" he looked around the restaurant. "I dare you to ask for that guy's number!"

Yuna looked to where Tidus was indicating and saw a rather attractive brown haired male in black combat gear sitting at the bar.

"Okay, you're the boss," she said, giving Tidus a funny look as she went.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," Tidus squealed in a girly/gay voice, "she's actually doing it! Like, shut up!"

Yuna said something to the guy who nodded, scribbled something down and she came back, shoving a napkin with "Kyan 0400386482" scribbled on it under his nose.

"Oh my God," Tidus said in his drag queen voice, "you totally did it! Like, woah!"

"Shut up," Auron said dryly.

"Make me!" he challenged.

"Tidus, what did I teach you as a kid?"

"That on the fourth day, Yevon made the dinosaurs to kill all the homosexuals?"

"Uh…yes, but what else?"

"Everyone had AIDS?"

"Tidus!"

"Okay, I know, 'don't smart mouth your elders' blah blah blah".

"Do you want to go straight to your room?"

"No…" Tidus shuffled his feet apologetically and looked up at Auron with a wide eye, innocent expression.

"Ew, hey, if I get together with Auron doesn't that kinda make me like Tidus' mum?" Rikku asked with her face all screwed up in disgust.

"Now that would make an interesting family," Lulu commented, "the mother younger than the son…"

"Hey! Auron's not my dad!"

"He looked after you as a kid, didn't he?" Yuna stated.

"Yes But-"

"And you dislike Sir Jecht, do you not?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Well then, he's as good as your dad."

"That's just fucking wrong!" Tidus blanched.

"Actually yeah, that is," Yuna said, " 'cause then if we got together you'd be getting it on with your mum's cousin."

"Yuna! Gross!"

"I'm just saying the truth!"

"Well say it somewhere else!"

XxXxXxX

End notes: Keep checking for more new chapters with even more exciting things to come! And how to use a table is also recommend that you keep an eye out for:p well enjoy! Please comment! We love your comments and we will comment you back as well so don't be shy! We don't bite…well Kyra does…but hey haha she's only bit me once:p Kyra said that she won't be posting but she'll be replying to your comment sigh [ well i'll talk to you all this way BAHAHA! see ya and keep reading!


	4. 10 uses for a table  FFX Style

Author's notes: ELLO THERE! It's me Tanya again! Like I said previously…I'm sorry if there are any mistakes in here:p I'm not the greatest spell checker…that's Kyra unfortunately haha but I'll keep posting! but remember there are disclaimers on most of our stuff…we like took them from movies, cartoons, shows etc! so please take note!

Anyways I really hope you enjoy this it's just basically weird and funny ways that FFX can use a table . it's hilarious! Fell of my chair a few times from laughing so hope you do too….oh…but not get hurt though….hahaha I did…BUT yes enjoy

XxXxXxX

Seymour gathered his minions around a large table in a lavishly decorated room in the Guadusalam estate. He thumped down a stack of paper and began to unravel blueprints.

"This is your great scheme Sir?" Asked one of the Guado defenders, looking over his shoulder.

"Yes!" breathed Seymour, his eyes alight with insanity.

"What's that one?" another defender asked, pointing to a magazine beneath a complex and intricate design of a raindow.

"This!" cried Symour, snatching it up and waggling it in everyone's faces, "is the key to our glory! This is the magazine that will help me to become sin!"

The Guado minion stared at the magazine cover.

" 'Gay Times', Sir?"

"Yes!" Seymour yelled triumphantly.

He flung his arms wide and shouted to the ceiling.

"I, Seymour Guado, shall ease Spira's suffering with GAY PORN! Yes-" he lowered his frightening gaze menacingly, "there shall be yaoi for all and then, everyone will be too fruity to care! MWAHAHAHA!"

USE NUMBER 1: For revealing a plot of World Domination using nothing more than Gay Porn.

Auron felt the wind blow his hair gently, almost lovingly. But no, no one would ever love him. Him, the tainted unsent. He reached out, felt the nothingness beyond. It would be the last thing he felt, the caress of the freezing air against the scars on his wrists and the freezing ice of loneliness entombing his heart. He felt his sorrow of all these years creep up on him, and a single tear fell from his eyes. Then Rikku walked in.

"Auron, get down before you break something," she said, going to the kitchen fridge behind him and pouring herself some Shoopuf Juice TM.

"I cannot break anymore! My soul is already broken!" he cried emotively.

"Yeah. Right. Sure."

"I'll jump!" he threatened.

"Well go on and do it already," she took a sip of her drink, "don't be an attention hog too."

Auron leaned out, at the mercy of the cruel world around him and he felt himself freefall anxiously. He felt free, at last – this would all be over and he could rest forever in his bed below the roses.

"OW!" he grunted as he connected with something hard in a tangle of red cloak and unidentified limbs.

Rikku washed her glass.

"Why didn't I die?" he moaned weakly.

" 'Cause you can't commit suicide from a table."

USE NUMBER 2: Suicide

"Lu, what're you doin'?"

Wakka had just walked in to see Lulu in a pair of tight gym shorts begin to bend and flex painfully on a coffee table.

"Cardio exercises!" she said through gritted teeth.

Wakka wasn't sure what 'cardio' meant but he figured it had something to do with sex. Oh hoe he twisted it had nothing to do with sex.

"Awesome, ya?" he settled in with a bag of Shoopuf corn TM to watch.

USE NUMBER 3: Cardio sexersises.

"Ready..?"

Rikku held up two hands as Auron and Tidus stared each other down determinedly, each holding a glass of Shoopuf AleTM.

"Set…?"

They were preparing for the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, the 'oh dear Tidus and Auron have gotten into another fight that they're going to settle with a drinking contest' Drinking Contest.

"Go!"

Both sculled their drinks sickeningly fast and there was an ominous 'chick' as two glasses were set back on the table at the same time. After 27 repeats of this, a winner was finally determined.

"Ready.."

"Yoor go'on dozzn!" slurred Tidus, pointing two feet to the left of Auron and trying to uncross his eyes.

"Fark gat, I isn't loosi'g du a keed," Auron growled incoherently, clutching the table for support.

"Set..?"

"Yoo shtink!" Tidus mocked.

"Nooo, you shtink!"

"Go!"

Unbelievably, both glasses were emptied and returned to the table at the same time.

"Ohhg fuck THIS!" Tidus cried, picking up his sword, missing, and brandishing a pot plant at Auron instead.

"Ah shit downzors you big baybeee", Auron said, leaping to his feet, getting his foot stuck in the table cloth and falling flat on his face where he promptly fell asleep.

"Ha! I win!" Tidus cheered drunkly, as he stagged tipsily to the side and fell into the table.

He passed out in a pool of Shoopuf AleTM muttering something about his mother and a banana.

Yuna, who had been watching turned to Rikku.

"Well, sir Auron did kinda drink his a teensy bit faster," she said.

"Yeah," Rikku reasoned, "but Tidus swinging a pot plant around was a lot funnier."

"Only one thing for it."

"Uh-huh!"

"DRAW!" they both cheered.

USE NUMBER 4: Drinking Contest.

Tidus

"Yuna, run!" Tidus yelled, overturning a table and pushing her out the door.

He barricaded their assailants temporarily with a chair against the door from the hallway and leapt behind the table, clutching his sword. Tidus' breath was heavy and his shoulders ached from the fight. Yuna, distressed, clutched the doorframe.

"Tidus! I'm not going to leave you!" she screamed over the deafening crashes of their attacker trying to reach them.

"Go!"

The door was smashed open and a horrible beast leapt at them with an animalistic "rawrrr!"

"Oh no!" Yuna shrieked.

"Pew pew pew pew!" the enemy cried in a high pitched tone, standing straight and aiming two fingers clasped in the shape of a pistol at them.

"AH! I've been shot! Yuna, go on without me! Save yourself!" Tidus shrieked, clamping a hand to his heart.

"But – why…? Yuna whispered.

"Incidentally…" he chocked, "tables do not make good shields."

The other door swung open and Lulu walked in.

"What in Yevon's name are you doing? Rikku, is that a Godzilla suit?"

USE NUMBER 6: ineffective shield against Al Bheds in reptile suits.

"TIDIEEE!"

"What the fu-OW!"

Tidus sat up incredibly fast, holding the throbbing spot where he had hit his head on a bed head. He had been pleasantly asleep, but now Yuna was sitting on his chest, bouncing up and down.

"TIIIIIDIIIIEEE!"

"What the fuck do you want, you sadistic psycho bitch?"

"You gonna come with me, Tidieee! You gotta come! The magical Tajikistan Bigteethosaur told me the way! The magical way!"

"Okaay…" he looked at her with bleary eyes for a moment, "…"

"Come on!"

"Yuna, have you been near Auron's "medicinal herbs" recently by any chance?"

"Tiiiiiduuuuuus!" she whined, dragging his sheet and pulling him out of bed.

"Wait! Hey, I'm naked under that!"

"Let's go, Tidie!" Yuna cheered, pushing Tidus' naked back out the door.

"Yuna! Wait – what are you – hey! That's my – don't touch that!" he shouted all the way to the lounge room.

"Here we are, Tidie!" she said impressively.

"What, the lounge room?"

"Uh-huh! Look-" she jumped onto the table, cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted "Rikku!"

"Tidieee! You brought Tidiiieee!" she sang.

"Okay, what's going on?"

"You brought Tidiieee! And he's nakeeey!"

"Yuna! Rikku!" Tidus yelled, covering the parts that count with a lamp, "what is going on?"

"We're on a bridge, TIDIIIIIIEEE!" shrieked Yuna.

"No, that's a table!"

"A magical bridge!" agreed Rikku, "full of joy and…uh…"

"Joyness!" added Yuna.

"Okay then…"

Tidus the noted, with horror, that the carpet was dusted with fine white powder and there was a packet of straws on the couch. He ran away, as all heroes do.

"Aw…" said Yuna, "he didn't like our Icing Sugar Milkshake…"

"It's okay!" Rikku comforted, "at least we still have those mushrooms we tie dyed!"

USE NUMBER 7: A magical bridge and a drug ring control centre.

"-I get off being free, I don't need a man to make me feel good, I get off doin' my thing, I don't need a ring around my finger-"

Wakka broke off as Tidus and Lulu entered the dining room to see him wailing on a broomstick guitar singing a very um…interesting song.

"I mean – uh…rock dis party, dance everybody, make it hot in this parteh, don't stop – move yo bodeh?"

"Yeah. Sure…" said Tidus, retreating cautiously and not making any sudden movements.

USE NUMBER 8: Makeshift Stage.

Tidus was enjoying a quiet stroll past Rikku's workshop one morning when he heard something rather interesting. He stopped, stared dead ahead, and was unsure whether or not to believe what he was listening to. What he did hear was Rikku's voice shrieking this.

"Yuna! Just a bit harder!"

"I'm trying, it's way too tight!"

Tidus blinked, rooted to the spot.

"Oh come on you've been more brutal with this kinda thing before! Really gimme all you got!"

He coughed violently as he heard Auron's voice join the fray.

"Let me…"

"Ooh yeah!" squealed Rikku, "use that fiddlestick, Auron!"

Tidus decided he'd heard quite enough and reasoned that a nice walk to the psychiatrist would be lovely.

"Yeah!" Rikku yelled triumphantly, watching her machina spring to life as Auron sliced a few wires and Yuna screwed on the last bolt.

USE NUMBER 9: A machina workbench.

"Katana!"

"Long sword!"

"Katana!"

"Long sword!"

"Katana!"

"Long-"

"Alright, enough!" Yuna yelled, separating another Auron/Tidus fight.

"We drink to a victor!" Tidus challenged.

"No! No drinking!" Yuna scowled.

"What about a thumb war?" suggested Wakka.

They agreed, and soon the battle was staged atop a bare tabletop. Auron and Tidus gripped each other's hands tightly, each trying to crush the other's fingers in their vice.

"1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war!" They both yelled menacingly, waggling their respective digits about an attempt to stealthily snatch a win.

"5, 6, 7, 8" Auron cheered, "I use this hand to masturbate!"

"EW GROSS!" Tidus screamed, wrenching his hand away and trying desperately to set it on fire.

"I win," Auron chuckled, grinning in a smug, self-satisfied way.

USE NUMBER 10: Thumb War Arena.

End notes: WELLL that was the miraculous 10 uses for a table, FFX Style! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did typing it:p I fell of my chair at some point haha…which kinda hurt! But yes! Please leave us a comment and tell us if ya liked it or not! We'd be glad to reply as well (well I'll reply cause Kyra's Pc isn't being nice to her) :p. So don't think it's just a one sided deal! I'll keep uploading for all you amazing guys/girls out there! Have a nice day!


	5. Public Service Announcement

Author's notes: ahhh gotta love these Public Announcement thingies…it actually makes Kyra look like an angel cough cough crap I shouldn't have said that :p shhhhh…anyone want a blue berry pie? He…he… ANNOUNCEMENT TIME!

XxXxXxX

A light clicks on, and you see suddenly have a view of a regular Travel Agency guest room, with Tidus adjusting the camera you're viewing the recording from and Yuna, Auron, Lulu and Wakka in the background. Yuna's sitting on the couch, with Wakka leaning in back behind her, Lulu sitting on one of the armrests and Auron standing a little bit away from everyone. Tidus sits next to Yuna.

"Okay is it on?" he asks Yuna.

"Yes it is," she hisses out the side of her mouth, trying to keep up a broad smile for the sphere recording, "just talk already."

"Okay, hi!" Tidus says loudly at the sphere, staring at it, "my name is Tidus and I'm the star player of the Zanarkand Abes, if you don't know. Okay, worthwhile and valued reader of Insert Title Here, this is a request from your favourable and simply gorgeous author, Kyra. She's quite concerned about the level of swearing in this story, and let's face it, there is a fair bit. Kyra thinks this could be bad for ratings, so she asked us to shoot this small Public Service Announcement to in form you, the valued reader, that this story will become totally clean from here on out 'cause swearing is bad. Okay?"

Tidus grins a celebrity kinda grin.

"Oh please…" groans Auron.

"What?" Tidus spins around to face him, incensed.

"The whole cheesy smile thing. Girls so do not fall for that."

"Oh yeah? What about you-" Tidus drew himself up in his best Auron impression, "I think I know the answer Lord Braska! Nenenenenenene!"

Tidus is hopping up and down on the couch with his hand in the air. Auron looks angry.

"Hey! Shut up, dumb ass!"

"Don't call me dumb you fucking Jew!"

"Tidus!" Yuna said, scorned "did you just say the 'F' word?"

he looked like a rabbit caught in headlights for a moment before saying, totally obvious "what Jew?"

"No, she's talking about 'fuck'. You can't say 'fuck' in a fanfic you fucking dumb ass!"

"Sir Auron!" cried Yuna, scandalised.

"Why the fuck not?" Wondered Lulu.

"Lulu!"

"F-"

"Wakka!"

"What?" said Auron, "it's not like it's hurting anybody – FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK"

"Sir Auron!!" Yuna screeched in alarm.

Everybody drew a gasp. It was totally silent before Wakka piped up with an awed…

"Holy shit dude."

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

XxXxXxX

End notes: well anyone still up for that blue berry pie? I sure am hungry? Haha review and leave us with your comments! We'll be more than happy to read and comment back! We love you all! And that's from the bottom of Kyra's, Jo's and my heart:p (how gay does that sound? Bahaha) keep on checking for new updates!


	6. MISSING! Fifth use for a table! :O

Author's notes: HEYYYYY OMG sorry for the 10 uses for a table FFX style…I missed out on #5 and 6 . I'm sooooo soooo sorry! So here is the missing uses!

XxXxXxX

5.

Tidus felt sleepy. Very sleepy. And headachey. Very headachey. He lay still for a moment, a delicious smell slowly making it self known to him.

"How nice," he thought, "Yuna's bringing me breakfast in bed."

He then noticed that the bed felt very hand and when he moved his hand, it seemed to be sitting on a plate of something that smelt suspiciously like bacon. He opened his eyes.

"Move your ass," Yuna ordered, jabbing his rump with a fork, "I can't reach the eggs."

USE NUMBER 5: place of sleep recuperate from Drinking Contest. Also known as a bed.

XxXxXxX

End notes: Phew…there we go! Once again…I'm sorry! I have been trying really hard to post these for all of you! And occasionally I stuff up…like missing the fifth use for a table! Hehehe well :p I know ya love me still…I mean who doesn't? anyways I'll be posting very soon!! Comment on and we'll comment you back giving you Juicy Juicy blitzballs!


	7. The Monk's Tricks

Authors notes: Hello there! It's me Tanya again! (I hope you don't get sick of me) :p I am sooo tired right about now and…something else BAHAHAHA…you sick minded…I mean I'm hungry…I want blue berry pie…anyone have one?

WARNING DISCLAMIER: please notice that some of this stuff is not ours! We have stolen things from movies, shows, cartoons etc! Please take note!

This chapter is about doing the mating dance, stealing clothes and NAKEDNESS! So…enjoy!

XxXxXxX

The sun shone bright over the busy streets of Luca. Tidus wondered vaguely what they were doing, going back and forth between towns when they should have been going full stream ahead with the Pilgrimage. He was sure everyone had their reasons. Maybe they were trying to shake Sin off, you know; zigzagging across Spira, keep everyone on their toes. Yuna was spinning round in circles till she nearly smashed into a tree, Auron was running after Rikku until he ran into a tree and Wakka was looking at Lulu's legs.

"I feel naked", Lulu was whining

"Yeah, it feels good doesn't it?" Tidus whizzed past wondering what the hell was going on with everyone.

"Ooohh…Okay happy pills it is." Tidus sighed and swallowed one. "Woot woot!" he started to go hypo.

Yuna stopped spinning and looked at Tidus. Tidus was "oooh yeahing" and pelting his hips into his hands.

"What are you doing?" asked Yuna.

"Zanarkandian Mating Ritual", he replied.

"Can I join Tidieee?" she cried.

"Hells yeah!"

They both did the Zanarkandian Mating Ritual and as they were doing it, Auron and Rikku saw them and decided that they would join too.

POOOFFF!!! In a puff of smoke the monk appeared.

"Blue berry p…OOOOHHHH YEAH BABY!" he blurted and joined in.

Rikku was so glad and was jumping with joy because everyone found the missing happy pills.

"Lu?" said Wakka, "can I play with your moogles?"

She slapped him.

"What?" he asked, upset.

"My moogles, MINE! My precious!" she blurted psychotically.

"Hey Tidus?" Yuna asked, stopping her dance, "weren't you gonna go roll with the gangstas after we'd been to Macalania?"

"Yeah, but they all think I'm white and nerdy."

Tidus then began to sing the song "white and nerdy" with Yuna continuing on dancing in the background.

"Ohhh…nice music, ya?"

"You have a crap sense of music, Wakka", said Lulu scornfully.

"You know you love it, ya?

"No. I don't"

"Fuck you, Lulu."

"Ooh, Wakka's getting a backbone," noted Rikku, "he's finally standing up to bitchface."

"SHUT UP RIKKU," yelled Lulu, walking away.

"Hey, did anyone realise she's still missing her belts?" asked Tidus.

"Ha! That explains why she's been so bitchy lately!" Rikku stated.

"Where is my belts anyways?!" Lulu yelled at Tidus.

"He he he" Wakka couldn't help himself, "you'll never find them, ya?"

"Ask him!" Tidus pointed at the monk, "he took them, not me!"

"Hey!" yelled the monk, "I gave them to Orangey over there" he pointed to Wakka.

"Oh no", Lulu placed her fingers on her forehead and frowned.

"I'll never get them back if he has them."

Wakka burst out laughing with joy of success. He took out one of his blitzballs, but this one was different, it was clear, and inside the ball was….

"MY BLETS!" Lulu screamed.

"Hey, Wakka…how did you get those in there?" Tidus asked.

"Seymour did it for me," he boasted, "a nice bit of white magic."

"Okay fine!" Lulu shouted, approaching him menacingly.

In a speedy move, she managed to steal all of his blitzballs and his blue headband. She quickly punctured all the balls and attached the deflated rubber to her skirts where her belts should be.

"Noooo!" screamed Wakka, holding the belt blitzball and feeling gingerly where his headband used to be.

"Aww that is soo cute!" Yuna squealed.

"Yeah but the blue don't suit!"

"I know," she said, "but now its Wakka who feels naked."

And indeed, Wakka was holding his forehead as though it was shameful.

"Lu! Please, you can keep the blitzballs, just give me back my headband!"

"Yeah well at least you guys have clothes!" Auron said looking at the monk with a revengeful look.

"But now i can see your pretty face without that silly mask thing from your singlet covering your youthful, gorgeous features!" Rikku drooled.

"Youthful," Tidus snorted.

But just then Yuna had another brilliant (or annoying, depending on what way you look at it) idea.

"Let's steal the monk's laptop and watch ourselves on youtube!"

"He he he!" the monk giggled "if you eat my blue berry pie…I'll let you borrow it. But be careful…hehehe…I'll steal all your clothes!"

Tidus snickered and jerked his head. "Gimme!" he said in stupidity.

The monk handed over the blue berry pie and giggled again. Tidus took a bite and everyone looked at him amazed. He started to turn purple and puff up like a blue berry. Yuna gasped and went to hug him but Auron held her back.

"Oohh dear." The monk giggled "looks like you have to go through the juicer."

"The juicer?" asked Yuna.

"Ha. Yeah it's where a machine squeezes all the juice out of him," replied the monk in hysterical tones in his voice.

"OOOOHHHH HELLS YEAH!" A squeaky voice came from the round purple Tidus. "I'm a blue berry!" He squealed. "Taste me Yuna! I taste awesome!"

"Anyone else want some blue berry pie?" the monk laughed hysterically before vanishing. Auron was just about to strangle the monk but…

Poooff! He disappeared.

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" Yuna cried.

"What's wrong baby?" little squeaky noise sounded off from the berry.

"How are we going to…you know…In bed…WATCH OUR SELVES?"

"You could always – no wait, that would only get Tidus' dingaling stuck like Auron's was," said Rikku.

"Yeah! How did we get it out again?" asked Yuna.

XxXxXxX

End notes: well here ya go! I hope ya liked this! Haha I did! More and new exciting stuff to come so keep checking for new posts! I love you guys hahaha you keep me busy and we love your comments so please leave us one! We'd love to hear what you have to say about this! have a great day!


	8. Happy pills TRA LA LA

Author's notes: ELLO you! I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while!!! I've been soo busy with this boring busy life of this boring normal boring world…I've lost my ambitions and dreams and hope and blah blah blah:p any who! I'm joking! Ummm…well I really hope I didn't post too late! I'm extremely sorry! It's me Tanya btw lol I hope ya haven't forgotten me? Oh and Merry Christmas for the 25th of December

Disclaimer!!! Some of this stuff is not ours. Please take note and DO NOT think this is all from our brains…we are not that intelligent…haha wait no we are, let me rephrase that…we are not that imaginative…no wait…we are hell imaginative…ummm…umm…we just fricken like stealing okay? Bahaha

This chapter is about happy pills and what it does to you and NUTS! BIG ONES!

XxXxXxX

"Ummm…umm…The…The…Magical Lepricorn!"

"Are you on drugs?" Yuna asked suspiciously.

"No" he said indignantly.

"Uh…"

Everyone looked at Rikku.

"Oppsie" she said, holding up an empty container.

It was the container that one had at least ten happy pills in there…

"You could've left some for us, ya?

"Screw you!!!" Rikku blurted "get a fricken job you retards!"

"He he!" Auron chuckled, "how are you going to play Blitzball like a fat, FAT blue berry Tidus?"

"Ima go country on yo ass!!!" Lulu yelled, pointing.

"Hang on, if all the pills are gone what's up with Lu?" asked Wakka.

Then they all saw a few brightly coloured Al Bhed potions littering the ground…

"RIKKU!" everyone yelled.

"Oppsie…?" Rikku squeaked.

"Aight! That's what I'm talking about Rikku!" a shriek came from the blue berry pie.

"Let's go get nuts!" Yelled Yuna.

Suddenly, they all found themselves in a nut shop.

"I'd like to buy a pound of nuts" she said.

"THAT"LL BE FOUR BUCKS BABY!" Shouted the shopkeeper, "YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?!?"

"Aight, macaroni!" yelled Tidus.

They bought nuts.

"I like nuts. Big ones," said Auron with a nod.

"Tidus has big ones," Yuna said, then her eyes went wide and she slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Ooh how do you know eeh?" Rikku grinned, nudging her.

"YOUR MUMMA!" Yuna yelled

"Ooohhhh! DON'T TALK THAT WAY ABOUT MY MUMMA BITCH!" Rikku furiously cursed at Yuna.

The suddenly got into a bitch fight. Pulling here, pulling there.

"Baby!" shouted Tidus, " Want some nuts?" he asked.

"OoOoO! Yes please Tidiee…your nuts?" she blurted then fell silent as she blushed and Rikku smirked.

"AIGHT BABY! You can have my nuts!"

"Supercalafragalistic expialidoshious." Yuna started to sing.

"Yeah why don't you just use a stupid umbrella and just fly away? You nut!" Auron groaned.

"LOOK!" Tidus Yelled "Far Far Away Land!" he shrieked with excitement.

"OMG, OMG! Donkey, SHREK, Fiona! OMG!!! PUSS IN BOOTS!!! EEEEEEEE!" Yuna fainted."

"Wtf?" Auron mumbled.

"Get off the happy pills", Rikku blurted as she was looking blankly at a tree stump that was mistaken for Puss In Boots.

"Cling, chick, swoosh"…the monk showed up once again… "sin is coming my friends." With a wave of his hands, Tidus was back to normal.

"Hells yeah! Tidus shouted with blissful joy that he wasn't a blue berry any more.

Then all of a sudden he realised 'Titus Aurelius Fulvius Boionius Arrius Rus', the roman emperor, once said, great things come from people with brains." The monk continued… "together you make a great fighting team!"

"HEY!" Yuna said…"I have brains! I'm smart!"

"Yeno!" Tidus quickly spat but regretted it.

"HELLLLOOO!" The monk screamed and shook the trees. "SIN IS COMING!" he vanished so fast the dirt went flying everywhere!

Meanwhile when the dirt settled…

"RAWR!" Growled Wakka.

"Ahhh…Wakka? Look behind you!" Lulu called out.

A dark shadowy figure was floating over Wakka's head.

"Eeeeeee!" he shrieked like a girl and ran into a tree.

"HAHAHA!" the monk burster out from the black smock.

"Got ya!" he laughed hysterically! Meditation is the key my 'young grass hoppers! Like I said the moon is made out of cheese…harness its power."

"Yeah. Sure. Okay!" they all mumbled, averting each other's eyes.

Then Sin attacked.

The guardians and their summoner were droppedat a different ends of Spira.

Uh – oh.

End notes: Please continue to read please? Please? Please? Hehehe well if ya wanna find out what happens with the ending of sin attacking your gonna have to keep reading now don't cha? MWAHAHAHA :p I love ya all and you know that!

I'll reply I promise this time…I've been a bit slack lately! But yeah I will! have a great day and I'll keep posting!

XxXx


	9. getting jiggy wit it!

Author's notes: hey hey! It's me Tanya again… I'm sorry I've been so slack lately! I don't know what's wrong with me[ I'm sorry! Haha well I am still trying to type up as much as I can for you guys so I hope you don't mind my occasional miss haps and so on and so forth!

DISCLAIMER: some of this stuff is not ours…actually I don't recognise anything we stole from somewhere but yeah just in case…we might have used ideas from less important films of dull things that no-one bothers to watch…oh goody that makes it sound fun to read this:p

This chapter is a pointless err…getting jiggy wit it…chapter? it's a break from the serious Seymour and Tidus fight from the previous chapter! AND OMG! AURON'S BUTT IS SEEN:O

XxXxXxX

Wakka and Lulu sat inside the Travel Agency together, alone, as the others had gone butterfly hunting. Lulu refused to go because it was too cold and Wakka couldn't because his wrist was broken after he spent an hour chasing a cock only to slip and fall in a randomly placed hot tub. Why he didn't just have Yuna heal him is beyond the point – THIS IS NO TIME TO ARGUE THE LOGICAL IMPROBABILITIES OF THIS STORY. Wakka and Lulu are about to get jiggy wit it. whatever "it" is.

"Waaaaaakka," she sang happily.

"Yeah?"

"You're haaaaard," she whined, jabbing his muscly and umm…HARD arms…

"And tasty ya?"

"I donno," she said, then decided to see so she licked his arm a few times.

"You taste salty," she observed.

"Now taste the chocolates (aka abs) ya?"

"hehe," Lulu giggled, "your nipples look like milk duds."

"I can't take it anymore, I'm only 15 for God damn sake!" Rikku barged in.

"Yeah I know," said Auron, "I can't do anything to you without getting arrested."

"That sucks!" she whined.

"Yes it does. That's the problem with the oldest and the youngest guardians getting together."

"There's no problem with me and Tidus!" Yuna yelled as she hugged Tidus.

"Yeeeaa…shut up, stupid…" Rikku muttered darkly.

"Or me and Wakka!" Lulu grinned, putting her hands on his cheeks and making kissy faces.

"Jailbait" Tidus snickered, pointing at Rikku.

"Aurie!!! Tidus is being a meanie!" she whined, pulling the end of Auron's cloak.

"You messing with my girl?" Auron leered down on Tidus menacingly.

Rikku started crying to get some sympathy from Auron.

"Oh you shut up! I'm already pissed off enough!" Auron scolded at Rikku.

"But I'm so cuuuuuuuuuuuute!" she cried, "hug me!"

"Awww! Okay!" Yuna said, giving Rikku a hug.

"EWW not you! Aurie?!"

"Go on," Tidus encouraged, giving him a little push.

Auron held out his arms tentatively and Rikku leapt at him, snuggling into his chest.

"heehee", she giggled, pulling out of his cloak and wrapping herself in it next to him.

"Hey where did Wakka and Lulu go?" Yuna asked as she looked around and found that the two were missing.

"They're going to make cupcakes?" Tidus suggested.

"I doubt that," Auron chuckled.

"Everytime we touch, I get this feeeeeling!" Rikku sang, swaying from side to side, clutching the front of Auron's cloak (which both of them were still wrapped up in) and making him sway in time to her singing too.

"And everytime we kiss…"

"I SWEAR I CAN FLY!" Tidus sang badly.

"Excuse me!" Auron snapped, "Rikku and I are having a moment! Butt out!"

"Aww, well it's not like you guys can do anything anyways," Tidus said with a bitchy voice…

"You want to bet?" Auron challenged.

"Woo! I love me some Auron!" Rikku giggled.

"Lulu is back!!" Yuna yelled "he he…she's got icing around her mouth!!" she giggled.

"Uhhh…yeah…"icing"…" Wakka said, with shifty eyes.

"Ooh! I want some!" Rikku said.

Auron grinned.

"But that's not…" Auron, who quickly slipped his hand over Tidus' mouth, stopped Tidus. Tidus licked Auron's hand to make him let go…which he did.

"Eww, Tidus!" Rikku said.

"What it's not like I licked you."

"Yeah, but now Auron's wiping his hand on my shoulder!"

"It's okay as long as he doesn't go any lower-front."

"Wink, wink, nudge, nudge." Rikku said winking and nudging Auron.

Auron put his hands lower…which was fine because no-one could see through the cloak.

"Eee! Rape!" Rikku squealed.

"Now we really need to change the rating of this game!" Lulu declared.

"Yep…" Yuna agreed, "this is probably bad for ratings…"

"But it's M for fantasy violence already!" Tidus complained.

They all looked over to Auron and Rikku who were…um…getting jiggy wit it…

"I think that counts as at least MA…" said Lulu.

"EWW!" squealed Tidus, "I just saw Auron's butt!"

XxXxXxX

End notes: well I hope you all enjoyed that! I certainly did! There is I think a few more loose chapters before we continue with the serious chapter where Tidus and Seymour are on a death match thingy…I've forgotten what it was about and who with…bahaha my mind is fried! Anyways I'll keep posting and I'm sorry for the late posts! Leave a comment on how you love it or HATE it…I'll leave ya a comment in return! Have a great day!


	10. WET FISH my squishy

Author's notes: ello, Ello ELLO!!! It's me again…TANYA!! I know you all love me! Don't deny it! hehehe! Anyways I told you I'll keep posting!

DISCLIAMER: most of this shi…stuff (pardon my French) is not ours! Just to let ya know that we are genius and we know how to steal very well! NINJA STYLE!!! lol well yeah…this stuff is taken from movies, Tv shows, cartoons and so on and so forth!

This chapter continues from the last Seymour thing! Lol I JUST figured out where those loose pages go! Yay ME! Anyways wet fish…my squishy and some action packed fish slapping over the edge action:p so enjoy!

XxXxXxX

'Twas a fine, sunny day and Auron and Rikku were on their way to the Al Bhed Home after being separated from the others.

"So…Auron…" Rikku started, "can I see your fiddlestick now?" she finished innocently.

"Uh…" he glanced at her from beneath his sunglasses, "yeah sure. I guess you're worthy to see it."

Then they came to a giant desert plain with rolling sand hills and a cool oasis.

"Let's go swimming!" Rikku chirped.

Auron suddenly fell on the ground by a sudden thud. Standing behind him was a familiar face holding his famous blitzball with a huge smile.

"What the fuck is your problem, Wakka?" asked Auron, standing up and brushing off some sand.

"I'ma love me some Tidus!" shouted Wakka, flinging his arm out and pointed himself, head thrown back with laughter in his usual victory pose.

"Oh shut up…" another familiar voice also replied…

"Oh great she's here already," Wakka winged.

"Wakka!" said Lulu angrily, "did you just say 'I'ma love me some Tidus!?"

Wakka looked sheepish.

"No."

"Oh okay," she smiled, "lets go make babies!"

"Woww what happy pills are you on now ya?" he asked in confusion.

"None!" she said proudly, "I've just been doing some thinking and I decided you are way hotter than Chappu and I want to rape you behind that rock!"

Wakka looked at the particular rock Lulu was talking about. Just then, Auron was sent sprawling into the sand again by…

"Cock!" Rikku yelled, "oh my God it followed us here! Awww!" she continued.

The rooster cooed happily, jumping up and down on Auron's head.

"That's one smart cock, ya?" said Wakka.

"Has anyone seen Tidus?" Rikku asked.

"No," they all replied.

"Hey Rikku!" Auron shouted, "get the rooster off me, please!"

But suddenly, they were all attacked by…

"Blue berry pies!" the monk appeared after forever so long.

Rikku gasped, looking at the pies the monk held.

"YOU ATE TIDUS!" she cried, pointing angrily at him.

Wakka, impatient as he was, grabbing Lulu's hand and dragged her off to a near by Travel Centre to get him some Lulu lovin'.

But then they were stopped by…

"Sir Auron!" Yuna screeched, bursting out of the Travel Centre and pushing past Lulu and Wakka to get to Auron.

"Sir Auron!" she screeched again, "Seymour kidnapped Tidus and won't free him unless I marry Seymour! What are we going to do?!"

"Oh no! What shall we do?" Rikku over heard and blurted out.

"Let's kill the cock, ya?" Wakka suggested.

"How will that help us?" asked Lulu angrily.

"We could throw the dead rooster at him until he lets Tidus go! Ya…?"

"Aha! You will never defeat me!" Seymour shouted from behind them.

"Eeee!!" Tidus squealed.

"Tidus!" yelled Yuna.

Seymour stood on a precipice between Yuna and her guardians and a deep chasm. He held Tidus by his blonde hair, on the edge of the cliff.

"I will become Sin with you help, Yuna."

"Eeee!" Tidus squealed again, "he's messing my hair! He's MESSING MY HAIR!"

"Sir Auron!" shouted Wakka, "do something!"

Auron shouldered his katana and charged towards Seymour.

Seymour banished Tidus over the edge of the cliff with another "eee!" from him. Auron stopped about a foot from him.

"Come any closer and he dies", Seymour warned.

Auron, panting heavily and a deep scowl in place, reached inside his cloak and pulled out…

"I SLAP THEE WITH A WET FISH!" he shouted, doing just that, and un expecting Seymour dropped Tidus on solid ground and fell over the edge himself.

"So that's where Nemo went!" Rikku stated.

"You killed my squishy!" cried Lulu, "you BASTARD!"

"I thought I was your squishy, ya?" Wakka asked totally oppressed.

"No, you aren't squishy! You're all hard and muscly!" she said, poking him in his hard, muscly stomach.

"he he", he giggled, "that tickles."

"he he…hard", Rikku giggled, "squishy".

"No! Hard!"

He glared at her.

"Squishy!" he snuggled into her squishy shoulder to prove his squishy point.

"Hard!" Rikku stated, pointing to his "sword".

Yuna laughed. Auron slapped Rikku with his wet fish.

"MY SQUISHY!!" Lulu screamed.

"Where?" asked Wakka, before his vision was obscured by a giant pair of…

"COCKS!" shrieked Yuna.

"I told you to kill them, ya?"

"They're multiplying!" Rikku panicked.

While all this was happening, Seymour had gotten tired of holding on to Tidus and they were both on the desert floor, playing…

"SNAP". Seymour yelled placing down a card.

"Go fish!" Tidus declared.

"Wrong game, stupid!" Seymour replied.

"Aight, MACARONI!" he shouted.

XxXxXxX

End notes: I'm not soo slack see??? WHAT??? WHAT DID YOU SAY?!? Oh I'll show you!!! (jumps on the cock)… hehe that'll teach you!!! Anyways! I hope you enjoyed that! Leave us a comment and I'll get back to you…I'll give you a cock…BAHAHA sick people I swear…I mean a rooster…or a hens egg…or a JUICY JUICY BLITZBALL haha! So you leave a comment and your request and I'll get back to you! Have a great day!


	11. Gay Bar Blitz

Author's notes: BAHAHA ELLO ONCE AGAIN! It's me…Yep! You guessed it! TANYA!!! MWAHAHA!!! Bow down to yo master! JKS JKS! Only in my dreams ooh such sweet dreams! Hehehe…

WARNING WARNING alarm siren goes off DISCLAIMER: THIS SHIT…(oppsie) STUFF! (yes stuff..that the word) MOST OF IT IS NOT HOME MADE THOUGHTS! It's stolen from right under your noses! TV shows, CARTOONS, movies…blah blah blah…. Get it? Good!

Anyways this chapter continues from the last and this one is for all the macaroni on macaroni lovers! BAHAHA you'll soon find out what I'm talking about! ENJOY!

XxXxXxX

"I'm hungry… can we eat Nemo now?" Rikku asked.

"My squishy!" Lulu yelled, grabbing the fish from Auron's arm.

"I'm so alone", Wakka bemoaned.

"Hungry!" Rikku reminded, "food now!"

"It's peanut butter and jelly time! Peanut butter and jelly time!" Tidus sang.

"Wait!" said Yuna suddenly.

"What?" they all asked.

"We have and Australian author…they say "jam" not jelly…"

"Yeah but "peanut butter and jam time" just sounds stupid."

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Tidus echoed, "it's ham and cheese sandwich time! Ham and cheese sandwich time!"

"Eww, I hate ham." Said Rikku.

"Blue berry pie time?" suggested Lulu.

"That's more like it! Macaroni!" Tidus nodded.

"Umm okay, macaroni." Repeated Yuna.

"Macaroni pie?" Wakka thought out loud.

"Don't be stupid, Wakka," Lulu quipped.

"I'll be good if you sleep with me!" he bargained.

"Hell no…you loser! I think it would be better if you slept with that…

"COCK!!!" shrieked Yuna.

"This is just getting strange now," Tidus observed.

"Let's get some shoes," Yuna suggested.

So they went to the shoe shop in the middle of the desert.

"These shoes rule," said Rikku.

"These shoes suck," said Lulu.

"These shoes suck," said Auron.

He grabbed the front of Tidus' shirt and dragged him out of the shop.

"Hey, where you goin' brudda?" Wakka asked.

"I got somethin' to stick in Tidus," Auron yelled over his shoulder.

"What?" Tidus and Wakka said together.

"At the Gay Bar!" Auron explained.

"Okay…" said Tidus.

"I wanna take you to a Gay Bar," Auron sang.

"Hells yeah!!! Wait…what?" Tidus said startled.

"Oh you're going to have fun, ya?"

"Flashing lights everywhere. Girls on girls, guys on guys." Auron was singing.

"Woo! Macaroni on macaroni!" Tidus cheered, doing that weird fist pumping thing of his.

"Hey," said Wakka suddenly, "can I come too?"

"NO!" Auron shouted. "You're not pretty enough!"

"Am I not pretty enough?" Wakka sang out of key, "is my heart to broken?"

"Ok, ok…I think that's gay enough!" Auron said, "you can come…"

"Wooo YUM! When can I have macaroni on macaroni?" squealed Tidus.

"When you're old enough," said Auron, "remember, I still have to keep you safe, for Jecht."

"And yet you're taking me to a gay bar?"

"Jecht would have wanted it this way," Auron said quietly.

"That's one crazy, honey, gay man, ya?"

"He's always been like that," said Tidus.

"Tiduuus," Auron whined, tugging on his sleeve, "are we there yet?"

"Yeah! Bring on the macaroni!" Doing his "oohhh yeah" mating dance.

They walked in the bar and were surprised to see…

GIANT COCKS! And…cookies?

A sign saying 'come to the dark side…we have cookies.' Was posted on top of the cookies.

"Must…join…dark…side," Wakka chanted.

"Dad!" Tidus shouted, staring at what was absolutely Sir Jecht standing in front of them.

"Heeeey! Auron!" Jecht yelled, pulling him into a big, gay, squishy hug.

"My squishy!" Auron shouted happily.

His hand was wondering down to his ass….but he realised he had no material covering it.

"Remind me why I decided to come here," said Wakka.

"You wanted to get pissed and "accidentally" get naked?" Tidus suggested.

"Oh yeah…"

"Hey kid," said Jecht, "Auron and I are gonna go…uhh…"catch up" in that hotel across the street."

"See ya!" Auron cried, unusually chirpy.

Him and Jecht skipped away, holding hands and singing, "you touch my tralala" together.

"It's raining men! Haliluli it's raining men!" a man with pink lip-gloss walked passed singing. He stopped and turned to face Tidus.

"Raarww!" he purred.

Tidus gaped.

"Wakka!" he cried, unsure of how the redhead had managed to get drunk, slip away and dress in drag in such a short space of time.

"Dat's right baaabeee," he slurred.

"Lulu's gonna kick your ass!" Tidus laughed.

"Surprise! Crotch grab!" Auron yelled from nowhere, grabbing Tidus' uh…"tralala".

"Dad!" Tidus yelled angrily, "you let Auron at the whisky again didn't you?!"

"I'm not gay!" Jecht blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Don't mind me, I just wanted to clear that up."

"But you and Auron just-"

"Relax, runt. I only wanted to play with his dingaling for a while."

"DAD!"

"What? It's just so big though! Auron – show him your dingaling-"

"I can't," said Auron, "Jecht, you're still holding it."

"This is not happening," Tidus groaned.

"Ey, Tidus!" said Auron.

"Oh no, what?"

"I got somethin' to stick in you!"

"is it your dingaling?" Tidus asked in a monotone.

"Hell yeah!" Auron cheered, sticking his bells on a string in Tidus'…

"Wow," said Wakka, "it must feel weird to have the great, Legendary Guardian Sir Auron's dingaling in your mouth."

"They taste like pikachus!" he said.

"How do you know?" asked Wakka.

"Well put the you know what you know where!" Tidus said bluntly. "You know the pokeballs? I captured one when I was at the blitzball stadium. Phyduck confused me coz I wanted to have roosted duck. He made me go for Pikachu…and well yeah…" he explained.

"That made no sense what so ever," said Jecht.

"BAHAHA! Hells yeah it didn't!"

"WHAAA…LOOK AT THOSE NUTS!" Wakka pointed in the direction of the bar.

Tidus sighed, "Wakka…do you want some nuts?"

Wakka nodded hopefully, trying to look cute.

Tidus sighed again, "fine, here's some Gil, go get some nuts."

"Yay!" he shouted, running off to get some nuts.

He was seen giving that Gil to the bartender that was also a gay stripper whore…

"WAKKA!" Tidus yelled, "I paid you to get the OTHER kind of nuts!"

"Awwww! But I want his nuts!" whined Wakka.

"Wakka, you have your own."

"Nu-uh!" he protested, "those belong to Lulu."

A drink mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and Wakka took a sip, then handed it to Tidus, who handed it to Auron.

"Fuck, what's in that? Auron asked.

"I don't…"

All three guys collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

"Hee hee hee", Jecht giggled, putting Auron's hand on Wakka's butt.

Meanwhile, at the shoe shop…

"That's it…I've had enough! I'm hungry and I don't care if it's a gay…uh Auron?" Rikku said as she barged in.

She shrieked and Jecht knocked her out. Yuna saw from the open door and was screaming frantically. Then she fainted because she forgot to breathe. Lulu entered.

"My Squishy!" Lulu yelled, looking at Auron and Wakka, "my squishy is contaminated!"

She took Tidus' drink, sipped it and fell out of consciousness too. The monk then appeared and stole everyone's clothes and put the boys in an all girls school and the girls in an all boys school.

XxXxXxX

End notes: hey I hope you liked that! I sure did! Kyra and I…and a bit of Jo made this chapter unbelievably stupid and full of DINGALINGS and NUTS! Woooo!!!! Leave us a comment on how you liked it or hated it! we'll get back to you…I promise and Narkness…your request is included in the other chapters that are coming…I'll have it typed and posted soon I hope…it won't be the next 4 or so chapters though…I'm sorry about the inconvenience… but we will still put it in there! Anyone else who has any ideas it would be nice to hear what you would like us to put in here! anyways have a great day! I babble too much :p


	12. Raving, nuts fan girls poor Wakka

Author's notes: HEY all you perverts! Bahaha P it's me Tanya again!!! Things are getting outta control!! Wooo!!! Anyways I'm sooo slack lol I can't even be bothered typing and if there is mistakes I'm soo sorry! p no, no, wait, what am I talking about! I love typing! It's for you guys and girls out there so I'm glad to be typing this up! P

DISCLAIMER PEOPLE: blah blah blah…stuff not ours…Blah blah blah…stolen…blah blah blah…WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT MY MUMMA!?!?

This chapter is about ummm… Fans and lots of them! I know you all are fans of FFX or some type of Final Fantasy! P I want me some Tidus lovin' but it looks like Wakka and Auron are getting all the attention…humph [ anyways! ENJOY D

XxXxXxX

Then they woke up. Naked.

"Hey!" Auron cried indignantly, "why does Tidus get a leaf?"

"'Cause everyone would die of laugher because we all know his goodies are unbelievably, pathetically puny!" Wakka replied.

Auron chuckled.

The girls giggled and Tidus did his victory pose.

Meanwhile…Yuna, Rikku and Lulu woke up in a tree just above the 16 year old boys.

"How did we get in a tree? Asked Yuna.

"AIGHT MACARONI!" said Lulu.

"I'm still hungry!" Rikku said holding her stomach.

"Hey boys!" shouted Yuna, "do you have any food?"

"No!" they all shouted back, seemingly uninterested by three cute and naked girls in the tree above them.

"Fuck this," said Yuna, jumping down and walking off, "let's find the boys."

Back at the all girls high school…

"I can't believe these are the only clothes you could steal!"

Auron gave Tidus a reproachable look as he spoke, while trying to squeeze his buff body into an itsy bitsy leather outfit.

"Shut it, old man," said Tidus, "at least you don't have to wear this ridiculous shirt!"

He looked down at the T-shirt he had nicked which had a big smilie face on it and the words, "Be Happy Emo Kid" in large letter.

"Yeah, well I refuse to wear anything with slogans on them."

"Hey guys!" Wakka called, running up to them, " looks what I thieved, ya?"

He held up a pair of skinny jeans and a tight, purple gym singlet.

"Oh. Nice," Tidus smiled, covering his laughter with a violent cough, "it suits you."

"Hey, um…Tidus?" Auron said embarrassed.

"Yes?"

I'm kinda…stuck."

Tidus giggled when he saw that Auron was indeed stuck, his arm bent at a painful angle and his face hidden in the cow murdering top he was trying to get into.

"Oh for the love of…" Tidus stepped forward to help him out.

They eventually squeezed him into it and the matching vinyl pants.

"Rikku's gonna love that, ya?" Wakka nudged Tidus.

"Fuck Rikku, I'M lovin' that!" Tidus grinned, watching Auron try to move his arms without busting the top.

"Um…Brudda…?" said Wakka.

"You have a very…special…relationship with Sir Auron, don't you? Yuna Commented as she walked up the path to where they were standing.

"Yuna!" Tidus cried, overjoyed, "huh…. where's Lulu and Rikku?"

"Lulu's back there somewhere beating the crap outta some guy because she got sick of people asking if her jugs were real and Rikku got sidetracked by a shop with shiny things in it."

"Yuna…?"

"Yes, Tidus?"

"Why are you wearing a chicken suit?"

"Oh…" she looked down shyly, "I was hoping you wouldn't notice…it's all I could find…"

"Not notice!? Yuna, you're bright yellow and have feathers, how could I not notice?"

"You don't have to be so mean about it!" she cried, tears in her eyes, "you think this chicken suit makes me look fat, don't you? Just say it!"

She ran to Wakka, crying noisily into his gym singlet.

"Oh no look man, you made her cry!"

"Yun – no – I, I mean…I didn't mean it like that!" Tidus said.

"Good going, kid," Auron chuckled, "you really blew it this time."

Suddenly, there was a great noise, like thousands of hormonal fan girls screaming wildly, until they realised…

"FAN GIRLS!" Tidus shouted, "we can't let them get us or they'll never let us go! We gotta do something!"

"Run!" yelled Auron as he sprinted across the courtyard, the others soon following.

"This isn't going to work…" a horribly annoying monk voice said.

They all whipped around to see him running beside them.

"You have to give them what they want!" the monk said.

The guardians (and Yuna) stopped running. They all stared at the short monk.

"Okay." Said Tidus determinedly, "this is it."

"Not so fast!" the monk stopped him as he went to walk out towards the approaching fan girls.

Our lovable monk friend pointed to a sign wielded by one of the girls and to his surprise it said…

"Wakka?" Tidus asked, amazed.

"What? No – you're kidding!" Wakka panicked.

"Give them what they want!" the monk repeated.

"But – I, uh…no, no way – can't, hyu…I uh…nyee?" Wakka gibbered feverishly.

"It's okay, I have a plan to protect you from their lusty clutches!" said the monk.

He whispered the plan to Auron and Tidus who thought it was a fair plan and decided to go along with it. The two stepped up to the nervous Wakka and unexpectedly struck him in the head with a large rock. He fell to the ground.

"Now he won't feel a thing 'til it's over!" the monk smiled.

"Heehee, that was fun!" Tidus grinned.

Auron nodded his agreement.

"I liked the part when he stops moving!"

"That's the Blueberry spirit!" the monk approved "here you go girls! A serve of Besaidian Blizballer!"

A sea of teenagers and signs declaring love, proposing marriage and revealing sexual tension then obscured Wakka.

"Like throwing a horde of dogs a steak," Tidus observed.

"Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who, who?" Yuna sang happily.

"Oh sorry, that was me," said Auron, "I tried not to but the lock on the gate was broken and…what? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"It's a rhetorical question," Yuna sighed, "it doesn't really have an answer…like "is there really a Yevon?" or "is there such thing as Eskimos?"

"OI!" Lulu shouted, glaring murderously at the fan girls who scarpered quick smart.

"Hmm…" she mused, looking down at the ravaged Wakka.

She smiled.

"It appears Wakka has decided to take an afternoon nap!" she declared, "let's see what he's got in his pockets."

She rifled through the pockets of the overalls on his body as, thanks to the power of fanfiction, they had all gotten their proper clothes back. Okay so Yuna ending up with Rikku's shorts and Tidus was wearing Auron's sunglasses, but close enough!

"Alas!" Lulu triumphed, "twelve Gil and a button! This must be my lucky day!"

She looked up at someone behind the group.

"Rikku!" Tidus cried, following Lulu's line of sight, "you're Rikku!"

"Uh…yeah, no duh," she said.

"What happened to you?" Tidus frowned, taking in her messed up hair and cuts up her arms.

"You beat me up, remember?"

"Um…no, I don't."

"Ha. Just kidding. I ran into some Auron fan girls at the shiny store but I was rescued by some Yuna fan boys, who thought that their Goddess' cousin's death might upset her."

"You say that like it's totally normal," said Yuna.

"Hey, Rikku?" said Auron, "you got some MAJOR SEX HAIR!"

"You're just jealous because I know you dyed those grey bits in your hair to make yourself look cooler."

"Wtf – shhhhh!" he hushed, checking to make sure no one heard that.

XxXxXxX

End notes: BAHAHAHA! AURON DYES HIS HAIR!!! D anyways I hope you liked this chapter! We really hope to hear from you our respected and loved readers! Even if you hate it! Just tell us how to improve our stories! I'll get back to you as soon as possible! And we promise there is more funnier things to come! Like a furby abduction!!! XD so keep reading! Have a great day and please leave us a comment! It's greatly appreciated! And Thank you Isabella swan, Kathleen Dee, Narkness, Kittens In Basket and edy!


	13. MASSIVE CHEESE BALLmmmm

Author's notes: Hi ya! It's me, me, me, me… TANYA!!! RARW!!! Hehe cheese yummmmmm!!! I am going somewhere with this okay? Meow, meow, meow, meow….meow, meow, meow, meow! BAHAHA gotta love the Simpsons…P I love typing this up for you guys! I love you all!

DISCLAIMER HOMIE! Yo nigga listen to dis shit…dis stuff is stolen…like it or not yo we stole! Most shit is not ours.. do you think we could afford it, nigga? Stop trippin' all you gangsta homeboys the movies, shows, cartoons get enough laughs…it's our time to shine of their shit! Go somewhere else if yo don't like this shiat!

Hehe woo my gangsta side of me! P lol you all love that! Anyways this chapter is about…cheese…and stuff… :s ENJOY! run to corner and hides hehe no one can see me!!! MWAHAHA

XxXxXxX

"You know what this party needs?" Tidus grinned.

"Music, beer and pizza," said Lulu monotonously, "oh and SingStar."

"WOOO HOO! We're living on a prayer! Take my hand, well make it I swearrrr…WOOO HOO!"

All of a sudden, our super heroes were found hanging over a cliff. Tidus' shoe fell off and made a splash as it hit the water beneath them. Alligators chomped at the shoe… also his strap was hanging down.

"AH fuck!" shouted Rikku.

"Charlie…Charlie!" Yuna cried looking at Tidus.

"I'm not fucking Charlie." He yelled.

"CHARLIE!" Lulu mocked.

"We went through this…I'M FUCKING CHARLIE!" Tidus yelled, getting annoyed with the strap on his overalls. A crackle and a loud banging noise were heard. The sound of Tidus' voice made rock come crashing towards them.

"AH…Fuck Tidus… look what you did!" Auron groaned as his coat was stretched over the cliff's rocks and got caught in a twig that was sticking out.

The monk suddenly appeared and was alarmed to see that a bolder was hurdling towards them.

"You must harness the cheese!" said the monk.

"AIGHT! MAVARONI!" Lulu called out.

"You stole my line!" Tidus whined still annoyed with that stupid strap that ended up slapping him in the face because of the wind.

"HARNESS THE FUCKING CHEESE!" the monk screamed.

They all gasped.

"OMG you swore!!!" Wakka said shocked.

"HAR…"

"OKAY ALL READY!" Rikku interrupted with fury, "everyone think…cheese."

"Okie dokie." Tidus said childishly.

Everyone suddenly closed their eyes and thought…cheese….

POOF!

The massive bolder turned into a giant ball of squishy cheese.

"AIGHT!" Tidus said seeing the bolder that had turned into cheese.

"CRAP!" Yuna cried. "I hate cheese!"

Tidus gasped and looked at Yuna in surprise! "Everyone loves cheese!!!" he whined.

"Excellent young grasshoppers." The monk said proudly. "But now you have a massive cheese ball coming crashing down the cliff!"

Tidus opened his mouth as if he wanted to catch it and eat it.

"Ahhh….Tidus…it's too big for you mouth!" Auron said in a monotone voice.

The cheese was 10 feet away from them and the monk got out his pet squishy, which was a monkey that was clapping symbols.

"How is that helpful?" Auron asked.

"It's helpful because the clashing symbols will help you think and harness…"

"THE CHEESE! We all know…that's what got us into this situation! You short, fat MONK!" shrieked Rikku.

"Yeah! She's right, ya?" Wakka said.

"HARNESS THE MOON!!!" the monk burst out into tears and disappeared.

"Is he PMSing?" Auron chuckled. The monkey that was left behind got so angry with them, that he jumped on Auron's face and made him have an allergic reaction to his…urine.

"ARGGHHH!!! HE PEED ON ME!!!" Auron shouted.

"Hehehe," Tidus giggled like a little schoolgirl.

"Shut up!"

"Look!" Auron yelled at the monkey, "do you have an issue with me?! 'cause, if I have a problem with someone I don't – I don't PEE on them, okay?"

The monkey gave Auron yes Sir Auron…the finger.

Everyone gasped and silence filled the air…

"That's it! Bitch is goin' down!" Auron screamed, swinging his katana through the air and…cutting the boulder into teeny little pieces although he was holding onto the cliff.

"Hells yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" cried Tidus, not realising he let go off the cliff to do his fist pumping action.

But then everyone realised that the boulder Auron had cut created a massive crack in the cliff resulting "the fall".

"I believe I can fly!" Tidus screamed.

"No you can't!" said Auron, who was falling beside him, his coat streaming behind him.

"Yes the fuck I can bitch!" Tidus cried like a sissy.

Then the unthinkable happened…

Auron lost his sake jug…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he yelled in horror as it disappeared below the waves as they all crashed into the water too.

As they came back up…

"Life isn't worth living anymore!" Auron screamed in agony.

"Oh shut up drama queen!" Rikku blurted.

All of a sudden the sky went dark then red, then orange, yellow, then green, then blue, then violet, then…

"Oh look…the sky is going gay on us!" Tidus said, "just like the gay bar…" the thoughts started to give him flash backs with sappy music playing in the background. "Dada." He whispered.

"WTF?" Auron asked alarmed.

"I was having a flash back." Tidus replied.

"Do you have them often?" Yuna asked.

"Yeno…just today!"

"Everybody dance now!"

End notes: I donno why that ended that way…but yeah! P funny stuff! BAHAHA TIDUS' OVERAL STRAP! Just imagine it all up in his face and pissing the shit outta him! Lol P anyways! I hope you liked this chapter! it's about cheese!!! Yeah you know this has my name all over it lol CHEESE!!! Want some? Leave a comment and I'll give you some! And if not…I'll give you…a hug? Or maybe some Wakka, Auron, Tidus, Rikku, Lulu or Yuna lovin'. Up to you! Just leave us a comment! Thanks once again to all you guys! We love you!


	14. Furby BITCH fight starter!

Author's notes: Um…hiya? Lol it's Tanya here reporting for duty P KANJO! We rule…you know it, we know it, they all know it! But let's be real…we rule because of you guys and we are really happy about that I'm soo tired! I'm sorry if any of our stuff has spelling errors… it's all my fault and yeah…sorry [

"Disclaimer."

"WHAT YOU SAY YOUNG WIPPER SNAPPER?"

"DISclaimer…"

"HUH?"

"DIS MOTHER FUCKING CLAIMER!"

"OHHH! What's that?"

sigh

BAHAHA hope you enjoy this chapter! it's about gremlins, and FURBY! Such a bitch I swear! She started this mess!

XxXxXxX

Little gremlins came from a space ship and used that lazer beam thinggy to transport them from the water into their big, BIG ship!

"EEEP…EEP…Oppp..Breeee…LolO…cliCk…Click…" They spoke in confusing tongues.

"Blue…jelly…blue…berry pie?" Tidus tried to communicate with them.

"OoOoO Bluu berrryy piee!" one of the gremlins said in a cute yet funny accent.

"Want some?" the monk mysteriously appeared again.

"Click…clock…tick…tock…" was the reply.

The monk handed over the same blue berry pie that he handed to Tidus previously.

"Nooooo!" cried Tidus. "Don't eat that lil fuzz ball!"

He panicked and smacked the pie out of its hand. The gremlin went hostile and got out a…wet fish?

"I smack thee with a wet fish!" one of the gremlins said pulling a wet fish out of his fuzzy fur.

"Wait! I thought you didn't speak English?" Lulu questioned, amazed.

"Ah…um…me..no speak English! Two dolla, two dolla." Was the reply.

"AIGHT!" Tidus said in great joy.

All of a sudden, a wet fish hit Tidus on the side of his face. "HEYYY!!!" he screamed at one of them.

"Sorry, that was I." Auron chuckled.

The fuzz balls started to giggle.

"Look it's Furby!" Yuna pointed at one of them laughing hysterically.

The one that Yuna was pointing at, took it in an offensive way!

"Furby…DEAD…Furby…BITCH…BROKE MY HEART…" It said in a painful yet strong voice.

"You must die." they all chanted in such a cute voice.

"Awww! They're so cute!" Lulu and Yuna both said.

All of a sudden, they all pulled out wet fish.

"We're all gonna smell like wet fish, ya?" Wakka said laughing.

Then the gremlins ripped off the head of the fish and there were pointy nails in some and a red button on the others. One of them threw its fish after it pressed the button and as it flew through the air it exploded with a BANG! The fish guts went everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE!

"OH NO! MY HAIR!" Rikku yelled with fury. "You Furby mother fuckers are in for it now!" she continued.

Fish were flying through the air and blitzballs were knocking over gremlins like pins in a bowling alley. Things went into slow motion. An explosive fish was flying towards Auron and Tidus.

5 minutes later.

The fish was just reaching them. Slowly, Tidus dived through the air going… "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

Auron got out Tidus' sword really slowly and swung it really, REALLY slowly. The sword gave a hissing noise but it sounded like a cow that's on the verge of being beaten savagely and then eaten by wild monkey infested fleas. It sliced the fish in half and the pieces fell to the ground.

Then things started to speed up. Everything was like a big blur like ants scurrying before big scary giant steps on them.

Next minute.

Everything was over and Lulu had a gremlin somewhere she didn't expect it to be…

"WHAA!" she squealed as it tickled her.

Wakka got really jealous and annoyed that he grabbed the gremlin and threw him against the wall.

"Sorry, sorry…" the gremlin continued… "me so horny."

Wakka got really red in the face and he started to bitch slap him.

ZAP!

The gremlins gave up and zapped them off their space ship. By accident, they zapped one of their little babies down with them.

They looked around only to find that they were stranded on an island.

"MUMA!" cried the little baby looking up and chasing the space ship and getting know where because it slammed into a tree due to it's eyes on the ship.

"I'm hungry!" cried Yuna.

"I know! Let's eat that fuzz ball?" Auron opted.

"Hells yeah! All we need is some cheese to make him taste alright!" Tidus yelped.

"NO MORE FUCKING CHEESE!" they all yelled.

"Aight!" Tidus looked down and looked real sad.

It was a warm day and everyone was looking around the forest filled island. An unexpected event happened and it led to one happy Tidus.

"Their laser guns made our clothes invisible!" Yuna squealed.

"YES!" Tidus cheered looking at Wakka.

"Oh…no…sorry Jecht!" Auron yelled to the sky, "I raised your son to be…GAY!"

"STEAM CANNON!" Tidus yelled.

"COCK!" yelled Yuna.

"Oh no, not again." Auron groaned.

"No I mean…" Yuna tried to explain but she just pointed at Tidus and Wakka.

Tidus had his hand down there…down his pants…need I say more?

"It's not what it looks like!" Tidus tried to convince them moments after pulling his hand from inside Wakka's pants. He held a packet of poprocks in his hot little palm. "Seeee?" he shrieked. "He stole them from me and put them down his pants!"

"Umm…Wakka…what were you thinking when you put those poprocks down there?

"I wanted to feel a popping sensation! Ya?"

"Pop sensation!" Yuna started to sing.

"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!" Rikku said in a desperate attempt to get Auron's attention so they can go play with his dingaling.

"I need practice with my voice!" cried Yuna.

"OH hells yeah! I'll help with that baby! You'll be screaming all night!" Tidus cheered.

"All right!" Yuna agreed happily to his suggestion.

"AIGHT! I'm getting lucky tonight." He smirked.

Little chocobo breeds came out.

"Hey does this mean that the Chocobo Knights are here?" Tidus asked.

"No, only Lucil and Elma have joined the Youth League and Clasko is breeding them." Wakka said, surprisingly he even knew that!

A Ffxi birdnm flew over their heads.

"Aww cute…let's eat it!" Tidus blurted.

"Sure. If you can kill it Tidus." Auron said darkly.

Tidus got out a glowing blitzball and threw it hurdling thought the air.

CRRAAKKKK!

The bird was hit and it landed with a thud as it hit the ground.

"YAY! Roasted chicken!" cheered Yuna happily.

"Ummm…Ffxi Birdnm." Auron corrected her.

"OH WHAT EVER!" Lulu said bitchily.

"LET'S EAT!" Tidus shouted.

XxXxXxX

End notes: Well there goes another chapter! I hope you enjoyed that! It's like we are on crack…well me…lol I came up with this Furby idea…kyra and Jo supported it and made it work! Hehe…I'm crazy I know! Anyways I'll keep updating! Keep reading and commenting because we like hearing from you!! you guys are awesome bye bye sweet, sweet people that we love! Hehehe XD


	15. Auronball

Author's notes: Ello there everyone! Tanya here! How are you? I miss you guys! Come on reply more please lol that's how much we love hearing from you I'm actually really missing you guys! Anyways I hope you guys are okay! My holidays are boring yet nice… hehehe well enough about me!!!

Disclaimer most things are not ours. You may recognise some of it from movies, shows, cartoons etc. So don't take offence to anything.

This chapter is about ummm…randomness.. it's really all over the place really…let's see…we have…someone's squishy being eaten and our heroic friends in trouble… Auron imposed as a blitzball and BUM RAPE! OOHHH YEAHHH!!! enjoy!

XxXxXxX

The next day came and they were just waking up. The sun blazed and the air smelt like…blueberry pie.

Tidus woke up next to Yuna and just as he caught a whiff, he nudged Yuna.

"Yuna?" Tidus began, "YUNA!"

Yuna jumped and she asked Tidus what was wrong.

"I smell blueberry pie and it's making me hungry!"

"Okay, okay." She got up slowly and just then Tidus pulled Yuna by the arm and dragged her towards where the smell of the blueberry pie was coming from.

Up ahead there was a little cottage with smoking escaping from the chimney.

"The Ginger Bead Man lives there Charlie!"

"Yuna…I'm not Charlie."

"Why are you telling lies Charlie?"

"OK LOOK…there is a bridge…we have to cross it okay?"

"It's a magical bridge Charlie!" Yuna said looking drugged.

"We went through this already! I'M NOT FUCKING CHARLIE AND the bridge is NOT FUCKING magical. It's just a bridge Yuna!" Tidus sighed and kept leading her towards the cottage.

As Tidus stepped onto the bridge, the bridge started to sway and coloured orbs started to flash around them.

"I told you Charlie! Magical bridge!" Yuna said in a 'yeah I'm right' tone.

Tidus didn't say a word.

"Blueberry pies." A whisper came from nowhere.

"The moon is made out of cheese." Came from another direction.

"Kill, kill, KILL." A voice said sounding like smegal.

"CHARLIE! THE BRIDGE IS TALKING!" Yuna shrieked in fear.

"It's not talking Yuna and I'm not Charlie."

"Booooo!" said another voice and Yuna jumped and latching onto Tidus' body.

Giggling was then heard.

"You cannot pass this bridge…you have killed our pet! Mr. Squishy!" a girl voice said.

"We did no such thing!" argued Tidus.

"MY SQUISHY!" she cried, "the Ffxi birdnm!" she blurted.

"Ohhhhh! The thing that tasted like chicked?" asked Yuna.

"Bitch, are you asking for me to kick your skinny white ass?" The reply came in fury. "Yes! The fucking thing that tasted like chicken."

"My bad…" Yuna said… "I'm still half asleep…thanks to Cha…I mean Tidus."

"Tidus?" one of the girls asked.

"Yes? Me Tidus," was Tidus' response.

"I LOVE YOU TIDIEE!! I watched you play blitzball!"

"AIGHT! Time to get giggy wit it!" he jumped with joy.

Yuna slapped him across the face.

"I'm right here you moron!" Yuna cried.

"Sorry baby but…BABY GOT BACK!"

Yuna went to run away from Tidus but all of a sudden, a magical bubble enclosed around her and she couldn't move. The ground and the bridge started to tremble.

"You aren't going anywhere!" all the voices shouted.

Then in a heroic but stupid way, Auron, Wakka, Lulu and Rikku, come rushing to their rescue. The bubble Yuna was in extended around them too.

"AH FUCK!" screamed Rikku.

"This is what we get for trying to help people in need." Auron sighed.

"Like that time we tried to help that hobo, ya?" Wakka added. "He ended up mugging us and stealing all our squishys!" he continued.

Auron chuckled… "Good times, good times."

"Be quiet!" a harsh voice came from above.

"Make me!" Ordered Rikku.

"Just like I warned that…over there…" she pointed at Yuna… "I'll warn you…SHUT THE FUCK UP! My squishy is dead, my dreams are killed, so little time, so much rage, so much ass kicking of skinny white bitches to do! I'll make the light shine you know where, and I'll put you know what, you know where! I HATE YOU!" the girl said in rage.

"Now…that's not how you talk to your mother is it?" asked Lulu.

"Wash you mouth out with soap missy!" Auron agreed.

"EAT IT!" Tidus yelped.

"Just like you ate my…SQUISHY???"

"HELLS YEAH!"

"Tiddiieee…how could you eat her squishy?" another girl asked.

"Well…I was hungry…once I had a bite, I couldn't stop and well…how could you say no to something that tasted like chicken?" was Tidus' reply.

Then they all died. The end.

Just kidding, but just then, they all woke up.

"Whee! We're riding a shoopuf!" Yuna giggled, as they crossed the moonflow.

"Yunie!" Rikku shouted, "I kidnap thee in the name of love."

"IN THE NAME OF LOVE! SOMETHING, SOMETHING IN THE NAME OF LOVE!" Tidus sang loudly.

"Tidus!" Lulu snapped, "Rikku just kidnapped Yuna! You gotta go save her!"

"We're on it!" Wakka and Tidus said, jumping overboard.

"Well here I go! OMG! My sake jug!" Auron yelled as he saw it floating past the shoopuf.

He jumped in and tried to get it but he just remembered he couldn't swim. "Ohh… crap…" he sighed, as he started to sink. His coat lifted over his head in the water and a swish of the waves made it fall over his head and wrap him up like a ball.

There was some air that was trapped while he got trapped and that made him float to the surface.

"OMG! That's a massive fish egg!" Tidus screamed in amazement.

"That's not a fish egg…it's a blitzball, ya?"

They scooped it out and Wakka put it in a backpack that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere.

As they were carrying it, Wakka suggested playing a bit of blitzball.

"AIGHT!" Tidus said, "you're going downnnn lil fishy!" continued by his fist pumping action move.

They suddenly found themselves standing in the middle of a blitzball stadium.

"Put you know what, you know where! Ya?"

"AIGHT!"

They started to battle and Wakka just remembered the blitzball they found.

"Let's use this, ya?" suggested Wakka.

10 minutes into the game.

"Everybody in da club getting' tipsy!" Tidus cheered, doing his victory dance.

"Hey Lu!" Wakka shouted out to her from inside the water sphere, "You wanna play with my blitzball, ya?"

"Uh…" Lulu said, looking at the Auronball.

"D'you think we should tell him?" asked Yuna.

Lulu looked momentarily confused before saying, "nahhhh."

"Tidus!" Wakka yelled, "catch!"

he threw it at Tidus as hard as he could, but before it reached him, the ball uncurled in mid-flight and Auron, posed like a star fish, came flying towards him with a jovial…

"RAWR!"

"EEE!" Tidus shrieked as Auron landed on top of him with a thump.

"Ahh! Rape! RAPE!" Tidus squealed, floundering about blindly as Auron's cloak billowed in the water over his face.

"Hey! My blitzball was Auron?" Wakka said, amazed.

"Yeah," said Betta, another blitzballer, "we tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen."

"EW!" Wakka shrieked suddenly, "that blitzball was in my pocket! My PANTS POCKET! Bum rape!" he screamed pointed at Auron.

"Wild monkey but sex! OOHHH YEAHHH!!" Tidus cheered.

XxXxXxX

End notes: OMG!!! I MISS YOU GUYS!!! Come on please talk to us more lol I love replying sooo much! Just say how you are and how things are going! Oohhh but most of all give us a rough idea of what you think! Our stories just get too crazy!!! Hehehe… anyways I hope you liked it and please leave us a comment! I miss you guys! And thank you Edy21, Isabella Swan and KathleenDee! and thanks everyone else lol you don't get a mention because you're mean! HA JOKES I'M SOO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN THAT! But yes comment and you will get a mention! I love you all have a great day!


	16. Would you like fries with that?

Author's notes: ELLO ALL YOU PARTY PEOPLE! It's me Tanya D I'm very happy today! I hope you guys are too if not here is some happy pills (I didn't take them btw) P shhhh…um lol yes well here is another chapter!

Oh now I have to put a disclaimer on this! There is a part in here that is off Super Troopers xD I love that movie!!! Funniest movie you will ever watch! Yeah as I said some of our stuff comes from Tv shows, cartoons, movies and so on and so forth!

This chapter is about going to McDonald's and having a weird ass time P enjoy!

XxXxXxX

"Would you like fries with that?" asked the cashier at McDonald's' drive through, which our super heroes were on foot.

"Hells yeah! With macaroni please!" Tidus answered.

"Umm…we don't sell macaroni here," the boy said.

"Well make some! You understand?!" Yuna said, as Tidus took out his nig ass sword, ready to slice his head off at any disapproval.

"Okay, okay! Don't hurt me!" pleaded the boy.

"AIGHT."

"Tidiieee, I want Pikachu…or Ffxi birdmn…they both taste like chicken…and I feel like chicken!" whined Yuna.

Auron forced the cashier to give him free fries by saying that he and his family would be dead if he didn't.

"That's an offence!" the boy quivered in fear.

"Well…I'm fucking fictional in my own world. Why would I go by the law?" Auron scolded.

"BOSS!!!" He screamed.

Auron quickly shoved an apple in his mouth.

"Dance piggy, DANCE!" he commanded while chuckling.

Wakka was clapping his hands like a retard, Lulu was shaking her head and Rikku was doing whatever the hell she does.

"SO! ARE YOU GOING TO BE MY SQUISHY?!" Auron shook the cashier boy up and down.

"Whaa?" Tidus said from behind the bush.

"You know, stick you know what, you know where." Yuna replied.

"OOOH!!! AIGHT!"

All of a sudden, there was a chirping noise!

"TIDUS!" Yuna yelped, "NOT THERE!"

The cashier boy laughed.

"There something funny here boy?" Auron asked.

"No, no."

"Alright meow, where were we?" Continued Auron.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh."

"Meow what is so damn funny?"

"I could have sworn you said meow."

"Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumping around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?"

"No, no, heh, heh."

"Am I drinking from a saucer?"

"Heh, heh, heh, no, no."

"Do you see me eating mice?"

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh."

"Now you stop laughing meow!"

"Not so funny meow, is it?" Wakka added.

"MEOW!" Auron said.

The cashier boy just laughed harder than before.

"Meow you stay off the happy pills now." Auron gestured.

"Yes Sir." The cashier boy said, hanging his head in shame.

"Tidieee!" Yuna screamed from behind the bushes, "harder!"

"Yuna…relax! I'm pushing as hard as I can."

A sudden breeze from nowhere came and tilted the bush to the side. Tidus was then seen with a stick in his hand trying to pop a pimple on Yuna's back.

"EWWWW!" cried Lulu.

Tidus threw the stick and tried to make it look like they weren't doing anything. Yuna quickly pushed the bush back into place.

In 5 seconds the monk appeared.

"Mac Donalds is not healthy for you!" was his great advise for the day. "Try some blueberry pie or…some…moon cheese!" he said deep in thought.

"AH, how about NO!!!" Rikku said bitchily…"I want some fucking fries, fat filled, oil saturated, deep fried fries!"

"It'll go straight to your thighs!" the monk warned.

Tidus popped up with alcohol in his hand.

"You're not old enough to drink!" Lulu argued.

"I got a fake ID dough? Everybody in da club getting' tippsy!" He sang loudly.

"Uhhh Tidus…" Auron was about to correct him and tell him that they were at Macca's but he didn't.

"OHHH AIGHT!" Tidus yelled as if he got what Auron was about to say. "Everybody whose white getting' tipsy!"

Auron walked up to Tidus and had a sip of his so thought 'alcohol'.

"It's coke…" Auron sighed.

"COKAINE?" Lulu said with fright!

"No…just plan coca cola."

"PORN!" shouted Yuna.

"GAY PORN!" Rikku added, as they saw two guys kissing and sharing a smoothy.

The monk then floated over to the gay guys and asked, "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy?"

"Oh.M.G! I love that show so much darling!" one of the guys said.

"You look like you can use a make over yourself my monk friend." The other guy continued, "you can look sexyyy!"

"Oh…uhhh…umm…" the monk studdered at the commliment.

"Hey…aren't monks all pure and liking the same sex is a sin?" Lulu asked.

"Yeah…" Auron said.

"KILL THEM!" Lulu shouted but Auron quickly covered her mouth and smiled at the monk as if nothing happened or nothing was said.

"I was hoping you would give them one." The monk said, pointing at Wakka and Auron.

"That guy is hot!!!" one of the guys whispered to his boyfriend.

"HEY! I thought you only had eyes for me?" shouted his boyfriend.

"I DO! I DO! BUT he's hot!!!"

"I know!" said the monk, "he is, isn't he?"

Everything went real silent and a tumbleweed rolled passed.

The monk went red and disappeared. Only to show up 5 seconds later with porn… BUT…it was filled with women!

"I'm not gay!" he protested, "seeeeeee?" flashing the book in everyone's face.

"So how do we know that is yours old man?" Auron chuckled.

"Ohh…sooo that's why he likes blueberry pie!!! He likes to fornicate in it! Ya?" Wakka blurted out randomly.

"Ewww!" Yuna and Lulu shrieked.

Auron chuckled…"Tidus loves his blueberry pies."

Tidus was on the ground puking and just then the cashier boy was about to run.

"HOLD UP!" Stop! Rewind!" Tidus yelled from the ground.

All of a sudden, someone pressed the rewind button. It stop so far that they were back in the gay bar.

"Meow who the fuck did that?" Tidus asked in a bitchy voice.

"Oppsie sorry Tidiee!" a fangirl yelled out.

She pressed the fast forward button and it took them to far this time.

"Where are we?" asked Rikku.

'Welcome to the land of Blah. Where everything is real blah and people say nothing but blah. Population: you.' A sign read.

"Does that mean we have to talk in blah?" Lulu asked.

"Yes!" the monk reassured them. "It is destined."

"Blah, blah blah blah blah, blah, BLAH?" Tidus began.

"…Dude where's my car?" Lulu asked.

"Blah."

"DUDE! Where is my car?"

"BLAH!"

"DUDE WHERE IS MY CAR?"

"In the toilet?" Yuna asked.

"In a tree?" Guessed Wakka.

"In that guy's you know what?" Auron snickered.

"BLAH! Blah, blah blah, BLAH!" Tidus spoke slowly.

"Ohhhh!!! You want macaroni Tidus!" Yuna said.

"BLAHHHH!" Tidus said happily.

The fangirl found it boring and pressed fast forward again.

XxXxXxX

End notes: WHEEE another chapter…GONE! OMG WHERE DID IT GO? OMG! OMG! OMG! breathes ooh sorry hehehe I'm being an idiot! I hope you like that! I've fallen off my chair just typing it! Ummm…oh that's right I almost forgot! This chapter was dedicated to Isabella Swan because she has to study for her exams and we all hope she does well! ALSO this story is partially dedicated to all you others with exams too! We believe you will do fine! We love you all and this is a way of showing we really do care and value your reviews! P


	17. FURBY! That crack whore!

Author's notes: HEY EVERYONE! Tanya is here! There is nothing to fear! o.0 actually…everyone run! Lol I suck at spelling so fear the letters on the page! Booooooo! MWAHAHAHA! I'm kinda not feeling to well…I kinda had to wake up at 3:30am to go to the hospital :( sad stuff but yeah! I'm okay-ish now! And I just wanna keep updating for you guys!

Disclaimer btw! Some of our stuff is stolen off of tv shows, radio, cartoons, movies, etc.

Ummm…this chapter is about talking macaroni that bites, a bit of fangirls again, umm but most importantly as the title suggest Furby…she's such a whore! Hehe just read and you'll understand! enjoy!

XxXxXxX

Beep, Beep! A flying shoopuf swished passed so fast the wind that was created caused Lulu to fall flat on her ass.

"MACARONI!" Tidus yelped, "LOOK! LOOK! MACARONI!" he screamed and jumped for joy.

On the other side of the road there was a giant piece of macaroni that was no ordinary macaroni strand…it was…talking.

"FREE THE WHALES!" it was shouting, "harness the flower power and conquer the world!"

Tidus' heart skipped a beat and all of a sudden, he had….fallen…in love! Yes you heard it….fallen in love with the talking macaroni. He got hypnotised by it cool looking body and as he started to walk towards it…he tripped over his own foot.

"AM AIGHT!" he assured everyone that was staring at him. "Can I eat you Sir Talking Macaroni?" Tidus asked in a childish voice.

"Free the God damn whales!" it said.

"NO! LET ME EAT YOU!" Tidus argued.

"FREE THE WHALES PRETTY BOY!"

"BITE ME!" Tidus snapped.

"Okay…" the giant macaroni took a huge bite out of Tidus, which left him bleeding.

"Tidddiieeee!!!!" the fangirls yelled, "we're sooo sorry…we knew you liked macaroni so we fast forward it to this scene…and we kinda thought he'd let you eat him…WE'RE SORRY!!!"

"Gimme some Auron lovin'," another fan girl yelled.

Click. The scene was rewound some more.

"EEEEE MONKEYS!" squealed Tidus.

"Oh fuck…not again." Auron sighed… "You're not going to piss on my head again are you?" he said staring at the same monkey the monk had left behind.

The monkey gave an evil glare and he made a chuckling noise.

"Is he mocking me?" Auron chocked.

The monkey giggled and jumped at his face again.

"I thought the fangirl loved you Auron?" Rikku laughed, "why is she letting bad things happen to you? HA!" she said pointing at him, "Tidus is loved and you're not!"

"Oh shut up for once." He said solemnly.

A monkey was tapping Tidus' head trying to see if it had something in it…like a nut or something.

"Hey! That tickles!" giggled Tidus.

Then the monkey started to hit harder.

"OWWW! YOU STUPID, FAT LITTLE MONKEY!" he shouted in pain.

All of a sudden, the monkeys stopped and stared at him.

"We're in for it now…" Yuna sighed.

One of the monkeys was holding a banana and it was jumping up and down screaming of the top of its lungs.

"Oh you know you want to brudda!" Wakka said.

So the monkey got really happy and walked over to Lulu.

"What's he doing?" she asked.

"Well he wants to put the banana…in you!" Auron chuckled evilly.

"No way hun…you're not my type of monkey!" she sadly told him. "He is more my type!" she said, pointing to Wakka.

The monkey got so ill tempered it jumped on Auron's Face and started to pee…

"GAH!!! That's IT!" he said storming off… "No one appreciates me!" he continued, "the world hates me!"

"Smile, be happy emo kid!" the monk said. "I have a surprise for all of you! Especially you Auron!"

Tidus got condoms….

"I don't want you and Yuna's kids roaming around giving me a headache and disrupting my cheese powers." Said the monk very wisely.

Yuna got a microphone with diamonds. He said that it would distract people to look at it and not notice her horrible voice.

The monk gave Wakka some Mickey Mouse colouring pencils and told him to colour the world till everyone was gay.

Lulu got more happy pills…coloured ones too with a smiley face on the bottle.

"You can be even more wilder than you are now 'cause I love watching you do it like they do it on the discovery channel…do it again now!" the monk sang.

Rikku got a belt saying 'fuck me, I'm desperate." The monk explained that it just suited her soo badly and that it was pretty just like her. Obvious he told her that to avoid the magic she was summoning up to hurt him with.

…Lucky for him it worked.

The monk finally gave the last present and that was to Auron.

"You get….Jecht… NAKED!"

"Really???" Auron asked in excitement.

"No…" the monk said bluntly, "I was only screwing with ya!"

He formed his hands in prayer.

"You get this mask…to hide the rest of your face…too many people saw you at the gay bar and well they think I'm a bad, bad man for not stopping you." He confessed.

"HA! Got you again, didn't I?" giggled the monk.

"Oh…just go on with it old man!" yelled an alien.

"Fine! Don't rush me!" he handed Auron a box…and what was inside will remain a mystery till later in the story.

"AIGHT! Where did you come from lil green man? Tidus asked.

"From the land of Flurby."

"Do you know Furby?" asked Yuna.

The alien looked real sad. "Greatest whore I ever knew!" he continued, "she tickled me with her hair in places that no one could reach…I loved her…such a good whore….she broke my heart!"

"Oh my fing God! That tramp made everyone love her!" Lulu blurted.

"Wonder if she had aids…?" Tidus questioned himself.

"She did…she had crabs too…I itched for days!"

"EEWWWW! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" cried Yuna.

"Shit…" Tidus said under his breath.

"What?" Auron asked with his eyebrows raised.

Tidus whispered in Auron's ear…

"At the gay bar, I saw Furby and well let's just say I put you know what, you know where, and also a while ago I got together with this other girl…I now have STDs….Shhhh!!! Don't tell Yuna." He said, realising everyone heard.

All of a sudden, a wet fish hit Tidus on the back of his neck.

He turned around.

"FURBY?" Tidus cried.

"Sweety?" cried the alien.

"Sugar bottom!" Yelled Wakka.

Auron gave Wakka an evil glare

"I felt left out!" Wakka pleaded.

"I'm sorry…" Furby confessed to the alien… "me love you long time!"

There was a slow motion mushy love scene, you know…the one where they are on a field of daisy and they are running towards each other with their arms wide open? Yeah that one!

After that scene, Furby and the alien made out passionately.

"FURBY!" Tidus called out to her.

"I'm sorry Tidiee but I don't like you…me love Boob."

"Umm…that's disturbing…" Auron chuckled at his name.

"Ummm…okay…but what I wanted to say was that you are a whore Furby!"

"You love boob? That mother F..." Rikku quickly covered Wakka's mouth.

"What do you think you are doing? Are you asking for aliens to go hostile on yo ass and take over the world, and make it rain ducks, or flying squirrels?" she stated.

"Hells yeah! Let it rain mother fuckers!" Tidus shouted.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Furby giggled.

Tidus now had a small head and a massive body.

Auron had buckteeth, Wakka had black hair, Lulu had Auron's hideous scar, Rikku had blonde hair and Yuna had a giant penis for a nose.

"I'm EMO brudda!" Wakka shrieked.

"Irritating…I know…or are you afraid?" Auron asked.

"Tidus…your body! Your beautiful body…GONE!!!" she cried.

"WHYYYYYY???? Tell me why I was the last to know!!!" Tidus screamed.

All of a sudden, Tidus glanced at Yuna's nose and gasped.

"YUNA!!! Your nose!" he began to panic as he tried to point to it.

She looked shocked as she felt where her nose used to be…

"OMG! NOOOO!!!" she busted out into tears.

"Hey…at least you can give yourself pleasure…or even better…Tidus…he loves it up his…" Auron chuckled.

"Ewwwww!" Lulu Cried.

"Well! At least you can scratch yourself with those big ugly teeth of yours!"

"HEY! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Tidus yelled as Auron tried to poke his body.

"Ah…Tidus…your balls are showing!" screamed Lulu.

"Ohh…AIGHT BABY!" Tidus replied, only looking down and seeing his overalls covering him.

"No! I mean those balls." She said pointing to his blitzballs.

"FLUBBER!" screamed Tidus.

"No, Furby!" yelled Furby.

"Go to hell floober!"

"FURBY!"

"FRED"

"FURBY!"

"FRIED POO!"

"FURBBBBYYYY!!!!"

XxXxXxX

End notes: Well…I really hope you liked that one:p I did! Mmm…We really appreciate you guys leaving us comments…we really do and it brightens up my day replying to you all! Anyways I think our next chapter has big brother themes lol I don't like big brother…it's sooo stupid but it's fun to write it in fanfic: Hehe Sadly I must end this note with…CAN YOU DANCE LIKE YOU FK? CAN FK LIKE YOU DANCE? WOOO gotta love that song: have a great day


	18. Grapes anyone?

Author's notes: Man here I am again! I post and post and post! Now I'm kinda tired lol I hope there isn't much spelling mistakes in here…because I know there will be some! I'm just a bit lazy to correct them! xD Any who! I'm sleepy! Grrrr…my muffin…mmmmmmm…choc chip muffins…drools… mmmmmm….

Disclaimer!

This chapter is about…grapes…chocking…helping…and Wakka being…GAY! OMG!

XxXxXxX

"Grapes anyone?" appeared the monk again.

He laughed hysterically as he took a look at our heroes. As he was laughing he chocked on one of the grapes he had in his mouth.

Mission impossible.

Tidus started humming the James Bond mission impossible theme song.

"Time to save the monk!" Lulu cheered.

A little noise came from the struggling, breathless monk…It sounded like he said 'oh no…"

"OKAY! First we need to get naked! Ya?" Wakka said.

"Umm…why the fuck do we get naked?" asked Rikku.

" To make the monk laugh till he spits it out." Auron explained.

"Ok," said Tidus as he stripped… "hehehe me naked." Tidus giggled like a little schoolgirl.

Due to the fact that Tidus had a small head and a huge body, his down stairs was puny and everyone laughed till their faces were red. Even the monk that laughed so hard was going purple because of the grape being forced further down his throat. The monk suddenly fell to the ground and a light from the heavens shone down on him and everyone got real sad.

Tears were pouring out of Lulu and Yuna…Rikku was cleaning her fingernails…and Sir Auron…Yeah Sir Auron…had tears in his eyes.

"I'm not crying!!!" Auron blubbered, "I have something in my eye!"

"I am Big Brother!" a voice came from above. "The monk is dead." He continued.

"AH…Mother fucker!" Rikku shouted, "if he's not dead now…he will be when I get through with him."

"All great things come from blueberry pie…I mean…blueberry monkeys!" the monk guaranteed. "I have 9 lives and two hearts…one is where it is supposed to be and the other is in my stomach!"

"But…but…where is the logic in that? And you're not a cat?" Yuna said confused and disturbed.

"Listen…don't question the moon's power my grasshoppers."

"Hidden monkeys!" Big brother called out.

Everyone gasped.

Flying ninja monkeys flew from all the trees around them.

Furby zapped everyone back to normal but Tidus still was naked.

"HA! Your still puny!" Auron chuckled.

"Tidiieeee!" Yuna cried.

"What Yuna?"

"I wanna have your babies!"

"May I remind you of the hidden ninja monkeys coming our way?" hissed Auron.

"No! Don't remind me!" Rikku cried.

"Okay. I won't."

"Declare yourself!" one of the ninjas yelled.

"I am Wakka!" Wakka squeaked, "and I'm a blitzballer and I got orange hair and I'm gay – I mean, I'm not gay!!! I'm…a…guy..?"

"Heeey," said Tidus slowly, "you are gay."

"Wtf," he spun around to face Tidus, "no I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

"Nooo!"

"Yes."

"NO!"

"Yu-huh!"

"Rrrr," Wakka growled, "no!"

"Eeeeeeeeee!" Rikku buzzed randomly.

"Look Yuna…" Tidus turned to her, "I don't want to beat around the bush…so let's Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo."

"Huh…?" she looked at him blankly.

"You know…put you-know-what, in the you-know-where?!"

"Uh..?" she still looked confused.

"Let's go make cupcakes," he grinned.

"Ohhh…" her eyes went wide and her mouth made and 'o' of surprise, "okay!"

Tidus grabbed her hand and dragged her away.

"Now THAT'S how to get a girl," Tidus winked at Auron.

He glared at the silent challenge.

"Hey Rikku," Auron purred, "if youtube myspace, I'll google your yahoo."

"Auron!" Rikku snapped, "you're under arrest, anything you say can and will be held against you."

"Boobies!" Auron said cheekily.

"Hey – wait…" Rikku frowned, only just realising what she'd said…

XxXxXxX

End notes: hello…I mean goodbye! Hahaha! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I did just typing it! Have a good day! And we love you! Comment please and well reply:) and if you want, I'll read your stories too! And I'll leave ya a lil something, something to let you know how good it is! bye, bye lovely people of ours!


	19. Making cup cakes gone wild

Author's notes: ELLO THERE! TANYA HERE!!! o.0 I didn't have anything to do with this chapter, just to let you know! I might have added a few lines though :p hehehe sorry guys….and this is all Kyra and Jo's idea of making cup cakes! Lol it's hard not being in the same class lol Kyra and Jo are but I'm left out[ but ah well! Hehehe we still have our breaks to write all together! I love those guys!

Disclaimer!!!!!!!!!!! Long story short…not ours…movies…shows…cartoons and yeah:p

This chapter is about making cup cakes…not normal cup cakes…oh no! Different type of cup cakes…with icing…not normal icing! Oh no! BAHAHAHA and yeah other random bits and pieces. ENJOY:)

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I'm hungry…Let's make cup cakes." Rikku said to Auron.

"No, muffins!" he said.

"Fine…but I want icing…lots of icing!" Rikku decleared.

"Okay, okay you get as much icing as you want if I can have your cherries," he grinned.

"Wait…we are making cup cakes right?"

"Oh…you mean you really, literally wanna make cup cakes?" Auron asked confused.

"Yeah, as in flour and mixing bowl kinda…wait, what other cup cakes are there?"

"Well, I could show you if you want," he grinned again.

"Actually I feel like muffins now!"

"I don't care…I still can show you how to make icing and put it in your mouth!" Auron chuckled.

"Can we make cookies too?" she asked hopefully.

"Only if we include lemons…and a few limes for Wakka and Tidus…" he snickered.

"Yay!" she cheered.

"She doesn't get it at all," Auron thought to himself.

"Get what?" Rikku asked.

"How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Oh! Yuna gave me a special headphone…it helps me hear other people's thoughts."

"Oh!" he said… "I was thinking that you don't understand "my" methods of making cupcakes…at all!"

"Well you know, Aurie…"she began, "I was thinking we could do something…dirty."

His eyes widened in shock. Rikku, yes the same cute little Al Bhed Rikku we all know and love, was propositioning him!

"Gee…ahh um…eh..hwa…uh…" he gibbered nonsense.

"What?" she said innocently.

"Dirty…" he repeated, "like what?"

"Like…" she leant forward to whisper in his ear, "like…mud wrestling!"

He choked violently of course it was only something…innocent.

"Oh, can I come too?" Tidus' voice said in Auron's head.

"WAAAH!" he screamed, "what's…going on?! Tidus! Get out of my head! How?"

"The earphones!" Rikku explained, "with it you can hear people's thoughts AND communicate telepathically."

"Here," Yuna said, coming into the room and giving him a telepathy headset.

He put it on and immediately wretched it away in horror as he heard Wakka thinking something incredibly indecent about a certain part of Lulu's anatomy.

"Oopsie," Rikku giggled, "you gotta put the filter on PG or M ok you keep getting interferences from Wakka. And the occasional you."

"Me?!" he gagged, "how long have you been listening to my thoughts?"

"A week or so…"

"RIKKU!" he screamed, "my thoughts are private!!!"

"Yeah, I know, how long have you had a thing for-"

"RIKKU!"

"What?! All I'm gonna say is cup cakes!" Rikku interfered.

Auron's face slowly became the same colour as his cloak and he stormed out of the room

"Awww…did Aurie get angry at me?"

"Can we go play mud wresting now?!" Tidus asked.

"No!" Rikku cried with tears in her eyes, "I have to go make it up to Auron."

She ran off to where Auron's bedroom was.

"Ooh, make up sex, that's the best kind." Tidus approved.

"I thought you were a virgin!" Yuna said.

"Who-me?" Tidus laughed, "funny."

"But…but if you're not a virgin…then…then…with who?" 

"Wakka?"

"MY SQUISHY!" Lulu yelled and began to burst into tears."

"She's on crack, ya?"

"I knew it!" a random fangirl said.

She turned to her companion, "see!? I told you there was something going on with those two!"

"Nooo…my Tidus!!!" a European looking girl shrieked.

"Tidus and Wakka, sitting in a tree…K.I.S.S.I.N.G," the Asian girl sang.

"MY SQUISHY!" Yuna and Lulu yelled.

"Time to leave," the fangirls decided.

"I thought…you said…Wakka," Lulu snarled, livid.

"Hey, Lulu!" Wakka tried to calm her down, "Lu, you know I love you? Tidus and I…we…it's…uh, it's not what you think?"

"Wakka, we're going to have a little talk," Lulu growled menacingly, grabbing his ear and pulling him away.

Probably to have the crap beaten out of him. Poor Wakka.

Yuna's eyes began to fill with tears.

"Do you want to make cup cakes?" Tidus shrugged.

"Is this really the time?" she asked seriously, gesturing to Lulu who was strangling the limp form of Wakka and Rikku who was sobbing uncontrollably on Auron's hem.

"We could always put happy pills to good use?"

Yuna smiled and nodded. She summoned Valefor and gave it Tidus' Happy Pills. Valefore did a pretty nifty move, which distributed the now powered happy pills at the four troubled people.

"Stop!" a voice came from above…. "Big Brother will ban all housemates from happy pills!"

"The wise one has spoken." The monk appeared and stole the happy pills, then disappeared again.

"SHIT!" Yuna cursed.

"Life isn't worth living anymore!" emo Rikku cried, blowing her nose on the bottom of Auron's cloak.

"My cloak…you emo bitch!" Auron scolded.

"Lulu!" Tidus cried, "Lulu, I think he's dead now!"

Tidus ran over and tried to pry her hands off of Wakka's neck.

"Ooh it's only 'cause you love HIM and not ME!" Yuna screamed.

"Eeeh," Rikku squealed as the monk appeared and kidnapped her…

"Aiee!" Yuna shrieked as the Black ninjas from the previous chapters appeared and kidnapped her too!

"Oh dear," Lulu said in a monotone as the furby gremlins appeared and kidnapped HER.

"FURBY DIE! It's because of you! Furby had aids and someone covered her in gasoline and lighted a match and SWOSH! DEAD!" said one of the gremlins before disappearing.

All was quiet for a moment, then…

"Oh shit," Auron said dryly. "Why are you two happy that the chicks are gone?"

"No, I'm not! I'm stressed," Tidus tried to make a stressed look on his face.

"Ha ha, dude," Wakka laughed, "you look stupid like that."

"Noooooo," Auron mooned weakly, "no chicks. No women….noooo."

He sank desperately onto his knees and looked lost.

An hour went passed…Auron had gotten his act together and began to look for the other two losers to help him find a way to save "the chick."

"Were you two just…?" he lost his words, "making cupcakes?" then he regained it.

Tidus and Wakka looked like rabbits caught in headlights. Ass was deadly quiet.

"Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension…" Tidus said to Auron in a dream like voice.

"We need to rescue the chick!" he declared angrily, "and I'm not gonna go gay…well not with you anyways…" Auron looked disgusted at Tidus.

"Hubba, hubba, ya?" Wakka said.

"Not you either," he said darkly, glaring at Wakka.

"Okay, okay," Tidus sighed, "we'll go rescue the ladies."

XxXxXxX

End notes: I update quick eh? Lol this is because I'm trying to get it outta the way before I see Kyra and Jo again! We'd want to write new stories and I'd at least want to try to keep up with the typing this time:p But yeah…I hope you like this chapter and the previous one! we really look forward to hearing from you guys! anyways I must get going! I hope you guys have a nice day/night or yeah what ever time it is where you live! bye bye love ya all MWA xoxo


	20. Wakka gone wild this time

Author's notes: EY!!! What up? Hmmm…I'm not quiet sure what to say except…Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo!!! WOOOO…MWA no wait…I don't want to say Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo!!! I wanna say…RARW! Fear the squiggle Oh yeah! Fear it! FEAR IT!!! Am I on happy pills all the time? Gosh….

Any who…Disclaimer:p

This chapter is about rescuing the girls…WAKKA!!! MY GOD!!! HE'S NAKED AND DANCING!!! Oh the horror!!! Please just be cautious when you get near the bottom of this story…OH AND…Pregnant Lulu…0.o scary! Hehehe read and enjoy!

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"Don't bother!" a voice came from above… "They're with Big Brother now!"

"You pimp!" Tidus shrieked angrily.

"Rikkuuuuu," Auron whined, "don't you love me anymore?"

There was no reply.

"Screw dis!" Wakka said crossly, "we're gonna get our squishy's back!"

"Hey…" said Tidus suddenly, "has anyone seen Kimahri recently?"

"He died a long time ago, buddy," said Auron solemnly.

"Oh no…"

Tidus looked extremely sad.

"C'mon, we're going on a rescue mission, you love rescue missions!"

"Yeah…" Tidus smiled sadly. "It just wouldn't be the same without Kimahri." He said regaining strength.

"NO!!! Not Kimahri too!!!" Yuna's voice came from above then silence filled the air.

"Yuna!" Tidus cried, snapping out of his emo state, "we gotta go rescue Yuna!"

"Well no duh!" Auron rolled his eyes, "I've just been trying to say that for the past hour."

"Yeah but Kimahri!!" Tidus tried to make his point.

"KIMARHI DEAD!" Auron yelled, "D-E-FUCKING-D."

"Uh…Sir Auron?"

"What is it, carrot top?!"

" "Dead" has and "a" in it…"

"NO! Dead does NOT have a fucking A in it, unless I say so!"

"God, you took your sweet time," said Yuna from behind them.

They spun around to see the girls had rescued themselves.

"You're pathetic," Lulu said.

"I thought you loved me Auron!" Rikku said with tears filling her eyes.

He stared at her apathetically.

"Muja…" Rikku said cutely.

He continued staring, emotionless.

"Muuuuuuuja?" she came up really close to his face.

Really close. Then…

"EWW YUCK!" Rikku squealed, running around to hide behind Tidus, "Auron LICKED me!!!"

"Eeeeeh Auron's germs!" Tidus screamed with a giddy little jumps.

"You know what I want to do?" Yuna said.

"What now?" moaned Lulu.

"Let's go to that new Strip Club that opened up in Bevelle!"

"Alright, I'm up for that," Auron said rather quickly, walking eagerly in the general direction of Bevelle…

"Who said you guys are coming?" Yuna claimed.

"It's gonna be just us girls!" Lulu explained.

"Oooh a girls night out!!! I love that idea!" Rikku yelled.

"Marvellous, darlings!" said Tidus in a high pitched voice, wobbling over to join them in sparkly platform shoes, matching silver dress and red lipstick.

"Tidus, how did you get dressed so quickly in drag?" asked Yuna.

"Hahaha," Auron chuckled, "reminds me of when he was a kid. He used to get out his mother's clothes and tell me his name was "Tidierina"."

"I did not…uh, darling!" Tidus squeaked girly.

"Tidus, no-one believes you're a girl," said Lulu dryly.

"Yeah," Rikku agreed, "you may be a wussy, but you're not a girl."

"You just hurt me feelings!" Tidus blubbered, with tears streaming down his face as he ran off.

"Uh, Wakka, why are you naked?" asked Rikku with a frown.

"Coz I wanna pole dance, ya?"

He dropped down a boom box and pressed the 'play' button.

The ever so popular Pussycat Dolls song "Buttons" began to play and Wakka…umm…danced.

Lulu ran off to be sick.

"Yuna dance with me, ya?"

"…Summoners…don't….dance…" she said slowly, staring in horror.

"I will!" said Tidus, pulling off his clothes and joining in.

"I love this song!" Rikku sang, unclipping as much of her clothing as she could (kinda like that infamous cut scene where she crawls outta the moonflow and Tidus is all o.0).

Buttons had ended but was followed by "I like big butts"….

Wakka then began to shake his booty.

"Hey Aurie!" Rikku smiled, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist, "why are you hitting your head on the wall?"

"I don't think this is a…" Lulu said as she saw Wakka and had a loss of words, which made her run back to be even more sick.

"Wakka!" Auron shouted, his voice muffled by brick, "put you GODDAMN CLOTHES ON!"

Sadly, he complied.

"Okay!" Lulu squealed, "I'm coming in!"

She took one look at Wakka's clothed body and ran out to be sick…again…

Yuna came to a shocking conclusion. She whispered this shocking conclusion to Rikku. It began with "p" and ended with "regnant."

Everyone else had come to the same conclusion.

"I got it!" Tidus shouted, and everyone stared at him in shock (he actually got something!), "she has the measles!"

Everybody sweat dropped comically.

"Yes…yes, Tidus, she has the measles, "Yuna groaned, rolling her eyes.

"That's not all she's gotten," Rikku winked.

"Awww does Lulu have cancer as well…oh MY FUCKING GOD! LULU HAS CANCER!!!" Tidus panicked.

"She doesn't have cancer!" Yuna said loudly.

Tidus stopped, panting heavily.

"AIDS?" he asked Yuna, "malaria? Hooping cough? Frost bite?"

"NO!"

Auron whispered something in his ear.

XxXxXxX

End notes: BAHAHA leaving you in suspense is fun:p I really hope this chapter was funny! Lol the next one is hilarious Tidus thinks Auron said pregate… 0.o crazy…crazy people…once again I was not involved in this chapter! lol I wrote a few chapters on my own I guess so that's enough!!! Like all the Furby/gremlin ones lol and meow….lol Okay before I get to weird comment and I'll reply back :) it's awesome hearing from you guys and our stories wouldn't be as good as they are without you guys! Love you all! MWA xoxoxo see ya! Waves hand around like a crazy nutter! BYE!!!!


	21. PREGATE! OMG! PREGATE

Author's notes: Ello mate! Mi names Tanya! How is you today? Hehehe I'm sooo bored so I guess all day I'm typing up fanfiction! Isn't that great??? Wow…year 11 this year…I'm sooo looking forward to this! Kyra, Jo and I can write more and be even MORE crazier than before!!! OMG…seriously watch out for our new chapters after about two weeks or so…they will get outta hand lol…or maybe even straighten out? Lol Maybe have plots and stuff BAHAHAHAHA yeah like that would happen….knowing I just add random crazy stuff in:p

Yawns… disclaimer…even thought I think this chapter might not have anything stolen for anywhere but still…to be on the safe side…Material might be stolen from: movies, TV commercials/shows, cartoons, radio, newspaper and any other places you can think of!

This chapter is about being "pregate" (Pregnant) :P BAHAHAHAHA Stupid Tidus! He's soooo cute! I just wanna pinch his cheeks all the time! Such a lil Cutie! ANYWAYS! ENJOY:)

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"Pregate? What's – ooh…" his eyes went wide, "okay, I understand now…she has a rare disease no-ones ever seen before…"

Auron slapped his palm to his forehead.

"OMG!!! With who???" Rikku asked in confusion.

"You need more than two people to get pregate?" asked Tidus.

Everyone ignored him. No-one realised Wakka had slipped away discreetly to avoid awkward questions.

"Hmm…" Yuna wondered aloud, "Seymour?"

"Ewww!" Rikku shrieked, "she has STANDERDS, Yuna!"

"Auron?"

"Not me," he said, hands held up innocently.

"Hey guys?" Tidus asked, "if getting pregate is contagious, do you think I've got it?"

"Yes," Rikku said bitchily, "you have pregate Tidus."

"EEEE" Tidus squealed, "Mommyyyyy!!!" he stormed off passing Lulu who was returning.

Everybody stared at her quietly.

"So…" said Yuna carefully, "Lulu…you been having fun with someone recently?"

"What do you mean…?" she asked dangerously.

"OMG! WAKKA!" Rikku cried suddenly, "it's got to be Wakka!"

"Rikku, we've already all come to that conclusion," Auron said.

"Ooh, watcha gonna name it?" Rikku squealed excitedly.

"None of your business!" she hissed, "what happened to Tidus anyways…and where is the person who caused all this?"

"Aha!" Yuna grinned, "you didn't deny it!"

She danced around, pointing at Lulu before crashing into the monk who was standing beside them.

"Oooh look at the lamp…it's got Wakka looking hair." The monk said.

"Wow! That's cool!" Rikku said…

Everyone stared at the thin lamp with Wakka's figure look alike behind it…

"This is Big Brother…Wakka declare yourself!"

"Wow the lamp just put it's hand Rikku cheered.

"Big Brother!" Tidus cried, "Big Brother! Did you make me pregate? You made me pregate, didn't you?!"

"Tidus…shut up!" the voice came from above.

"It wasn't Big Brother," said Rikku, "it was Auron."

"AURON!" Tidus cried, "you got me pregate you stupid fucker!"

"If I had a coconut for evey time someone told me that…" he sighed.

"Auron!" Rikku cried, scandalised.

Only the monk heard BB declare that all the girls were in fact 'pregate' with their respective boys.

"Time to leave," the monk disappeared; a puff of icing sugar and some odd…socks left in his place.

"Woohoo!" Rikku squealed, "I'm gonna have a baaaabyyyy!!!"

Yuna pulled Tidus away for a serious "talk" that may or may not involve medieval torture methods. Lulu shrugged. The script said she ended up like this anyway. Though she was a little disturbed that her first son had red hair. Violently, fluffy red hair.

"Haha," Yuna laughed, as she dragged a nervous Tidus away, "Rikku, your kid will look like AURON."

Rikku had a vivid mental image of Auron as a kid…with her own shocking blonde hair…

"Yay!" she grinned.

"No wait…uh…Tidus?"

"I'm pregate!!!" he burst into tears like a big baby…

Yuna then had to explain that when a mummy Guardian and a daddy Guardian love each other very much…

"Magic potion!" the monk squealed, throwing magic potion on the girls.

The magic potion made them not pregnant anymore, but instead, they were looking straight at their children.

"WAAAAAAAH!" Rikku grinned, hugging a frightening, miniature Auron with spiky blonde hair, "I shall call him Aurikku!"

"Aurikku?" the monk asked, "isn't that a fanfiction terminology…?"

"SURPRISE!" someone yelled, "THIS IS ALL A DREAM!"

And in a poof of smoke, Tidus woke up from a very strange dream about babies.

XxXxXxX

End notes: MAN THAT WAS….OKAY! Lol I'm sorry but like you…I read this for the first time! The ending shocked me! Lol I was like no way! Grrrr :( but yeah the rest of the story is hilarious!!! I loved it!!!! PREGATE!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHA:P Anyways have a great day:) and hopefully we hear form all you lovely people! And thank you Isabella Swan, Edy, Narkness and KathleenDee! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! Love ya! MWA xoxo new chapter being updated very soon!


	22. Pillow fight

Author's notes: Hey, hey all you awesome people:)

Disclaimer…

This chapter is about a pillow fight and the girls getting locked out of the room!!! So technically speaking it's just Auron, Wakka and Tidus have a…pillow fight:) Enjoy!

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On a dark gloomy day, everyone was preparing for the Big Battle…of Blitzball…

"Woo!" shouted Auron, randomly, "paedophilia!"

"Hey Auron!" Tidus called, "I feel like doing many things…with you…" he said lowly.

"Yeah…like what?" he asked concerned.

"Ssooccerrrrrr prrrractice!"

"What's soccer?" he asked.

"It's a Zanarkand Sport involving sake, tables and a few oysters," he explained/

"Oysters?"

"Yeah…lots of oysters….just for us two!" Tidus said with a nod.

"Raw…?" Auron blanched with disgust.

"Oh yeah," Tidus said sickly, "they're more…effective….raw…"

"But I like Kilpatrick!" Rikku yelled.

"I said just the two of us… AURON and I….no one else!" Tidus said pointing back and forth at Auron and himself.

"Not even me?" Yuna asked with tears in her eyes.

"NO!" Tidus answered in a bitchy voice.

"Fine!" Yuna and Rikku shouted at the same time, "we're gonna go party!"

Five hours later, a video appeared on the internet of Yuna and Rikku wearing rather little and drinking rather a lot…but if you keep scrolling down, you will find a video of Tidus and Auron doing rather disturbing things after they ate oysters… lots of them…

"Yay," the fangirls across the globe cried, "GAY PORN!"

Yuna was not impressed when 7,120,468,321.59 copies of this video was sent to her email. Rikku, on the other hand, got quiet a few ideas involving the number 3. And Tidus and Auron. And copious amounts of oyster flavoured sake.

"Why didn't I get some of that, ya?" Wakka whined as he was searching on the internet for porn stars with blitzballs and accidentally came up with the video.

"You're not old enough," Lulu quipped.

"But Tidus-" he said.

Lulu walked away.

"Screw dis, ya," he complained, "I'm gonna go get drunk and pass out."

And so he did, after an hour later he realised what he did when he woke up with Rikku and Auron and Tidus sleeping next to him, wearing not much clothes…

"Were all of you playing blitzball with me, ya?"

"Yes Wakka, we were playing…blitzball," Auron yawned.

"ZZZzzZzngyrh….uh wha'? Grnnha…blitzball," Tidus snored, face down in the pillows.

"Aurie," Rikku said, "what exactly were we doing…?"

Rikku had snuck off with Auron's sake jug when he wasn't looking, so she didn't remember much.

"We were…" Auron began.

"PILLOW FIGHT!" Tidus screamed, breaking out of his feigned sleep and whacking Wakka (hehe, rhymes) with a pillow.

"What childish bomb attacks Tidus," Rikku said, enjoying the game.

"Pray…Now!" Auron said as he began to attack Tidus back with a bunch of Hello Kitty pillows…

"Ooh look," Rikku smiled, "Aurie has Care bears on his pyjamas."

"We're having a pyjama party, why…?" asked Wakka.

"Tidus gave me these for Father's Day when he was eight because he thought Love Bear looked like me."

"Awww, cute," Rikku pouted.

"What were you…" Lulu was unable to finish the sentence because she burst out laughing after looking at…"Care bears?! Sir Auron….and CARE BEARS?!" she continued to laugh extremely hard. But then…

"COCK!" Yuna yelled.

"Ooh. Wakkie has rooster pyjamas," Rikku grinned.

Auron stared down Lulu before shouting… "farewell!" and lobbing a pillow at her in attempt to make her leave the children and their PJ Party alone.

Lulu dodged the pillow, matrix style. Leaning back as the pillow soared past in slow mo. Then she ran away crying, to write, "Sir Auron wouldn't play with me:(" in her trusty diary.

"Let's go play with the puppies Auron!" Rikku said.

"Sure…I like puppies!" Yuna said.

"Alright…" Auron answered but once the girls had passed the bedroom door, he looked the door and the three of them, Auron, Wakka and Tidus…were alone…in a bedroom full of Hello Kitty pillows.

"Ooh, that was mean," Tidus smiled.

"You're goin' down, Sir Auron!" Wakka cried, a pink kitty bomb launching its way towards the legendary guardian.

Meanwhile, outside…

"Oooh puppy!" said Yuna happily.

"Hey, why aren't they outside?" Rikku said, going back to the room to find the door locked.

"Hey, why aren't you guys out?" she said… 'they are going to feed us meat today!"

"We hate meats," Auron's voice replied from inside…

Rikku then began the search for…the DOOR KEY!"

"I really want to play with the puppy though…" said Tidus.

Auron quickly picked up a shoe and started hitting Tidus with it.

"Heey!" he cried, "where'd you get that?! Did you steal it?!"

"No, it's mine, dumbass."

"Ow!" Tidus squealed, "you have steel caps on the end of your boots!"

"You love it," Auron chuckled violently beating Tidus with his shoe.

Thud

The Hello Kitty childish bomb thrown by Wakka, hit Auron straight on the head.

"Pray…NOW!" Auron said once more, then he chased the two of them around the room…with boots.

"Ahaha, take that!" Wakka laughed, dodging the boot and returning fire with a coat hanger.

Tidus wrestled the boots from Auron and pushed him childishly. Auron at down.

"Have you been bad?" Tidus challenged.

"No…" said Auron innocently, batting his eye lashes.

"You've been bad…take the punishment like a man!" Tidus grinned, slapping Auron's SEXY BOOTY with his own gay yellow shoes.

"Wait a minute…where did you get that?!" Auron returned the attack. "Did you steal that?!" he continued. "Now you've been bad!" Auron began hitting Tidus with his boots….

"What the hell are they doing?" Rikku said, wide eyed.

"I'm going to sleep now," Auron proclaimed, throwing a blanket over his head and curling up into a cute little ball.

"Like this!" the light was flicked off by Rikku and the door was shut.

"No, not like that!"

"Why? I want to sleep too."

"Shut uuuup," Wakka whined….

"HORSEX RIDE!" Rikku screamed, breaking through the window, landing on Auron.

She jumped up and down on him happily.

"Zzzzz," a snore came from under the blanket…

Wakka turned on the light to find…Tidus…asleep…

"Oh noes!" Rikku gasped. "Aurie no here! Aurie gone…"

"Wooo, let's watch movies!" said Wakka….

XxXxXxX

End notes: Well I hope you enjoyed that chapter:) I'm really sad to say this…but this might be my last chapter that I post:( I'll let Kyra or Jo post from now on! I really hope you guys love the following chapters! They'll be funny I guaranty that!!! Thanks again to all you that leave us a comment :) We really do appreciate that…I'm gonna miss you guys! Bye bye! And for the last time…EVER…have a fantastic day! Xoxo Tanya.


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